I can't say I'm thrilled about my options but they're what I've got

[clevermanka]

This petition showed up in my inbox. When I read the email I was like how the fuck is that even possible? Then I clicked on the petition link, and I saw that the family in question? Isn't white. And then I was all "Oh. Yeah, I can see it now." HOW HORRIBLE IS THAT. Please consider signing the petition.

The Whole9 folks have come out with a Whole30 FODMAP shopping list. I'm debating whether or not I want to give this a try. Giving up onions and garlic right now is not something I want to do. I just bought new bags of minced toasted onion and garlic from Penzey's and I cooked up a giant mess of kale with onions and garlic--enough to last me at least a week or two. I've also got two heads of cauliflower and a bunch of broccoli in the fridge. With the failure of the AIP experiment, I'm not exactly enthusiastic about putting myself in Food Jail again. But if it could help with my constant abdominal inflammation for KCRF, it's worth a shot. pondering

Sunday's session with Andrew was fantastic. Lots of fun movements (including a combination dumbbell snatch and overhead lunge that killed me but worked every single part of my body from toes to fingers), and things that made me feel badass (like pulling a sled). I brought up the issue of The Rope again and Andrew suggested we see where I was. I wasn't hoping for much, but I managed to hoist myself off the ground and got the rope wrapped halfway around my leg before Andrew mentioned that the rope needed to go the other way around my leg. Of course, by the time I got untangled and tried to re-wrap the opposite way, my shoulders were done. But hey! I spent several seconds off the ground. That felt amazing and empowering.

It got me thinking about my different experiences with body movement this weekend. For the first time ever, bellydance made me feel bad about myself. But my (admittedly baby-step) attempts at strength training made me feel like a fucking badass.

Do I need to be done with dance for a while? I can't in good conscience back out of KCRF at this point, but do I need to hand off the Smoker dance organizer to someone else after this season? I've identified as a bellydancer for a long time--half my life. Giving up that part of my identity would be distressing. But would it be better for me in the long run? Is it worse to hold onto something I can't do to my standards and satisfaction anymore? For me, definitely yes. Is it something I need to do at this point? I'm unsure. I can't realistically evaluate this until after KCRF, but it's something I need to think about sooner rather than later.

I really fucking hate opportunities for emotional growth.

Comments

[kalimeg.livejournal.com]

Emotional growth is cruel and unusual. Here's hoping you can put it off.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Here's hoping you can put it off.

Me, too. I was thinking I wouldn't retire from dance for another ten years or so.

[pointoforigin.livejournal.com]

I really fucking hate opportunities for emotional growth.

THIS.

Re the petition: We need to get the police in check. There are places where they are a danger to all of us, and to the constitutional rights of citizens. And let me just say, if I got to choke everyone who looked at me in a way I didn't like, there would be a trail of bodies so long . . . . ! What kind of person chokes an unarmed 14-year-old? Not someone whose salary I want to pay.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

if I got to choke everyone who looked at me in a way I didn't like, there would be a trail of bodies so long

The list of people I want to choke right now is so long I can't even tell you.

[renniemom.livejournal.com]

Must research the benefits of the snatch portion of that move. I do overhead press lunges so am curious about the muscles engaged in the rest. Go you on the sled! Don'tcha love to hate it? And serious points for the rope work. That's seriously tough so you ARE a badass!

I hate that you're having to evaluate the place dance has in your life. So not fun. (I'm doing the same with 4-H. It's very hard so I empathize.) I hope you can find resolution you can live with. Selfishly, I hope it includes you continuing to dance because I love to watch you.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I do overhead press lunges so am curious about the muscles engaged in the rest.

I think it's just a way to incorporate full body movement in one action. With standard overhead lunges, your arms are static through the movement.

I hope it includes you continuing to dance because I love to watch you.

Aw. Thank you.

[miischelle.livejournal.com]

By the by - with the dance practice, were you using a mirror?

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I was. Next time I practice, I'm facing away from the mirror. Already decided that! Not sure if that'll be Wednesday or Friday this week, but I'll keep you posted.

[msmitti.livejournal.com]

I really fucking hate opportunities for emotional growth.

I so feel you on this. Here's hoping you can fight only the fire in front of you, rather than the forest.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Right now the fires in front of me are being SUPER SNOTTY and passive aggressive, so that's not helping.

SO DONE WITH CSSF BULLSHIT.

Edit: Hey! I actually got an apology from one of them. That was nice. I still hate this, though.

[redheadfae.livejournal.com]

Petition: Done

Your thoughts on dance have gotten me to thinking about it more, too.
It was my last public performance that nailed The End for me, I see that now. But yes, I get it, so much a part of my life and who I am, that I still haven't let go of it, even to the point of continuing to buy and plan costumes! And so many very dear acquaintances and friends are a part of that subculture.

I'm here for any further ruminations on it.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I certainly won't be planning any new costumes for this year, that's for sure.

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

That shopping list looks like a good reference -- thank you. And way to go on the rope!

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

You're welcome and thank you! They have other lists at the website. One for autoimmune stuff (basically what I did earlier this year) and one for histimine reactions.

[nottygypsy.livejournal.com]

You have to do what's best for you. >hugs<

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Thank you for understanding.

*hugs back*

[sherwood21.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad your weight lifting went well. I'm sorry you're having to struggle with decisions about dance. I've seen you dance, and you're amazing - so I understand why you wouldn't want to do it when your body is refusing to respond the way you've trained it to. I really hope that you're able to get some physical and health improvement, and that lets you do the things you love effectively.

Also, as someone who works in law enforcement, there's always the idea that you don't want to second-guess the guy in the field, because you don't know how it went down. HOWEVER, most of us got into these jobs because we wanted to help people, and we do our best to defuse and de-escalate situations, and it sounds like that did not happen here.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the good words about dancing and understanding why I'd want to give it up even though some people might see me as good enough or whatever.

And yeah, I usually don't pass on petitions like this because I wasn't there, I don't know the details, etc., but FOURTEEN and HOLDING A PUPPY WTF.

[alryssa.livejournal.com]

I can understand the hardship of having to face giving up something you love even though you really love it. I had to do something similar with football. :(

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

That stinks, bb. =(

Stupid health problems are stupid.

[kalimeg.livejournal.com]

Emotional growth is cruel and unusual. Here's hoping you can put it off.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Here's hoping you can put it off.

Me, too. I was thinking I wouldn't retire from dance for another ten years or so.

[pointoforigin.livejournal.com]

I really fucking hate opportunities for emotional growth.

THIS.

Re the petition: We need to get the police in check. There are places where they are a danger to all of us, and to the constitutional rights of citizens. And let me just say, if I got to choke everyone who looked at me in a way I didn't like, there would be a trail of bodies so long . . . . ! What kind of person chokes an unarmed 14-year-old? Not someone whose salary I want to pay.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

if I got to choke everyone who looked at me in a way I didn't like, there would be a trail of bodies so long

The list of people I want to choke right now is so long I can't even tell you.

[renniemom.livejournal.com]

Must research the benefits of the snatch portion of that move. I do overhead press lunges so am curious about the muscles engaged in the rest. Go you on the sled! Don'tcha love to hate it? And serious points for the rope work. That's seriously tough so you ARE a badass!

I hate that you're having to evaluate the place dance has in your life. So not fun. (I'm doing the same with 4-H. It's very hard so I empathize.) I hope you can find resolution you can live with. Selfishly, I hope it includes you continuing to dance because I love to watch you.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I do overhead press lunges so am curious about the muscles engaged in the rest.

I think it's just a way to incorporate full body movement in one action. With standard overhead lunges, your arms are static through the movement.

I hope it includes you continuing to dance because I love to watch you.

Aw. Thank you.

[miischelle.livejournal.com]

By the by - with the dance practice, were you using a mirror?

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I was. Next time I practice, I'm facing away from the mirror. Already decided that! Not sure if that'll be Wednesday or Friday this week, but I'll keep you posted.

[msmitti.livejournal.com]

I really fucking hate opportunities for emotional growth.

I so feel you on this. Here's hoping you can fight only the fire in front of you, rather than the forest.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Right now the fires in front of me are being SUPER SNOTTY and passive aggressive, so that's not helping.

SO DONE WITH CSSF BULLSHIT.

Edit: Hey! I actually got an apology from one of them. That was nice. I still hate this, though.

[redheadfae.livejournal.com]

Petition: Done

Your thoughts on dance have gotten me to thinking about it more, too.
It was my last public performance that nailed The End for me, I see that now. But yes, I get it, so much a part of my life and who I am, that I still haven't let go of it, even to the point of continuing to buy and plan costumes! And so many very dear acquaintances and friends are a part of that subculture.

I'm here for any further ruminations on it.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I certainly won't be planning any new costumes for this year, that's for sure.

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

That shopping list looks like a good reference -- thank you. And way to go on the rope!

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

You're welcome and thank you! They have other lists at the website. One for autoimmune stuff (basically what I did earlier this year) and one for histimine reactions.

[nottygypsy.livejournal.com]

You have to do what's best for you. >hugs<

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Thank you for understanding.

*hugs back*

[sherwood21.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad your weight lifting went well. I'm sorry you're having to struggle with decisions about dance. I've seen you dance, and you're amazing - so I understand why you wouldn't want to do it when your body is refusing to respond the way you've trained it to. I really hope that you're able to get some physical and health improvement, and that lets you do the things you love effectively.

Also, as someone who works in law enforcement, there's always the idea that you don't want to second-guess the guy in the field, because you don't know how it went down. HOWEVER, most of us got into these jobs because we wanted to help people, and we do our best to defuse and de-escalate situations, and it sounds like that did not happen here.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the good words about dancing and understanding why I'd want to give it up even though some people might see me as good enough or whatever.

And yeah, I usually don't pass on petitions like this because I wasn't there, I don't know the details, etc., but FOURTEEN and HOLDING A PUPPY WTF.

[alryssa.livejournal.com]

I can understand the hardship of having to face giving up something you love even though you really love it. I had to do something similar with football. :(

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

That stinks, bb. =(

Stupid health problems are stupid.