clevermanka | Privilege and friends

Oh my god, SO MUCH THIS:
White dudes have this thing where they believe your best friend in the world can have opposing political ideas. You’re supposed to be able to have healthy debate and disagreeing shouldn’t harm your friendship.

That’s gross and stupid. Its really easy to say that when all your disagreements are theoretical. Its easy to say when none of the laws passed actually effect your life. Fighting with your best friend about corporate regulations, school charters, educational funding, abortion, health care, voting restrictions, drug laws, taxes and all sorts of stuff is cool and lively because none of it is going to actually leave you in a bad spot.

Its different for the rest of us. I can’t be friends with you if you think I shouldn’t be allowed to vote. We can’t be friends if you think my friends shouldn’t have the ability to designate whatever gender they want and have that be legally recognized. We can’t be friends if you think I don’t deserve health care. Or if you think native children should be ripped away from their cultures and people. We can’t be friends if you think closing down health care clinics in an attempt to end safe legal abortions is a good thing.

All these theoretical political ideas and lively debates effect real people, and I won’t be friends with someone who disagrees with me on them. Because disagreement means you don’t see me or a whole bunch of my friends and family as human beings worthy of rights and respect.

Originally posted on this Tumblr.

This morning I get to find out how well I lift heavy things while experiencing menstrual cramps. Good times!

I went to an early Replay show last night wearing a pair of

mckitterick's old jeans and my ass now looks better than it did in my old Dickies. Might be time for a new ass icon picture.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'll hold up a small lightning rod and accept the consequences (as a straight white dude):

I disagree fairly vigorously with some of my friends[1] on economic and foreign policy issues, but when it comes to social issues, I've found myself doing a slow fade (or occasionally a "fuck you, I'm out" / "you are no longer welcome on my FB wall/LJ because you're an ass") when those disagreements are over social issues like the constellation you describe.

I don't *think* this is substantially different than your thesis, but that might be privilege and lack of caffeine on my part, so if I'm off-base, I'm open to being clued-up.

I am also heartily in favor of New!Ass icon, because being a feminist means I can support self-affection and pride in appearance. :-)

[1] My best friend is annoyingly pro-business/fiscal conservative.

As with everything, one's privilege shifts with one's identification and circumstances, and I think you're right in line with everything the original author said. You're not off-base at all.

I'm totally getting a photo of my ass in those jeans next time I wear them. Maybe to tonight's party.

Looking forward to your updated ass shot. I am a very big fan of your posterior.

There's a lot to like!

Excellent. This means there's some to share. I was starting to feel sorry poor that Hiddles might be left out.

Did someone say ass shots?

Also, I once recall someone making a (clumsy) analogy to my desire to have friends who support my being treated like a human being to Aryanism.

This came from someone who identifies as Jewish.

I was, as you might expect, quite livid. (She apologised later, but seriously... what?)

Did someone say ass shots?

Coming soon to a LiveJournal VERY NEAR YOU

*gets wine*

I think this argues in favor of the claim that a large segment of our population never got intellectually past junior high. Because I think that's a fine attitude when you're old enough to reason through things but young enough that you probably haven't come close to figuring out what you really think (and why) about the important things.

Of course, you're saying this as a white male in a heterosexual relationship. There is no level of age or maturity that will allow me to be friends with someone who wants to deny me adequate healthcare based on the fact that I'm a woman. Likewise there is no amount of or "figuring out what I really think" that would make me want to be friends with someone who would deny me the opportunity to marry my partner had I wound up falling in love with a woman.

Those are the important things to me, and someone who is on the opposite side of those values cannot be someone I consider a friend.

I agree with you pretty strongly, so probably my comment just wasn't clear.

Oh! Okay. Yeah, I totally misunderstood your comment. Oops.

I'm super duper extra touchy today. It's either the hangover or the rage from the Zimmerman verdict. Or both.

It is a rage-inducing time.

And, upon re-reading, I probably should have written a couple of paragraphs or nothing the first time.

I have SEEN religious wackos get cranky that we're asking for tolerance but we're "intolerant to them."

Because you saying I shouldn't exist as a bisexual woman and that I can't get married if I love a woman, is totally the same thing as me saying that's fucked up.

I don't agree with this.

My husband and i disagree on political and social issues pretty often. Instead of writing each other off with the fanatics of either camp, we talk it through and figure out which parts we agree or disagree with. Sometimes we agree more than we disagree.

Example: the Trayvon Martin case. He thinks the Jury was 100% correct with their verdict. No hard evidence = no murder. End of story. I, on the other hand, think it was completely evil and wrong of Mr. Zimmerman to follow someone through the neighborhood without any grounds. What could his goal have possibly been if not to engage in some kind of confrontation? A third party specifically instructed him not to pursue. In my opinion, the jury SHOULD have found him guilty of Manslaughter (though i do admit that i don't know enough about Florida Law to determine if technical definitions were met, but i'm just stating what i 'feel.').

But...

If Zimmerman's story is true and accurate, and the boy DID start the physical component to the encounter, it became a Stand Your Ground case as soon as Martin allegedly attempted to draw Zimmerman's weapon. If someone tried to take my firearm away from me, i would certainly believe my life was in danger from that moment.

And that last point, which we agree on, may make the rest a mute point, depending on how you look at it. I certainly wouldn't jump to the conclusion that my husband is a racist bastard i can never trust again.

All these theoretical political ideas and lively debates effect real people, and I won’t be friends with someone who disagrees with me on them. Because disagreement means you don’t see me or a whole bunch of my friends and family as human beings worthy of rights and respect.

Fucking well right. I have never been able to bond with people who disagree with me on these critical points. I have never wanted to. It changes everything. Dealbreaker: shut it down.

Privilege and friends

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