Not at my best

[clevermanka]

I dislike the title of this article, because it makes it sound like inflammation is the only cause of depression, but the rest of the article is another good example of more evidence in the mind/body connection.

Speaking of depression, I'm having some problems that have me teetering on the edge right now.

My sleep issues returned after a blissful two months of my sleeping through the night (that was wonderful). For a week, I've been waking up three or four times a night and having problems returning to sleep. At first I thought I was too warm, but now I think it's something else. Dr. Khosh put me on a different testosterone supplement and I'm wondering if that's the culprit. It could also be that Dr. Jonah started scaling back my endocrine supplements. I resumed the previous dosages of the endocrine stuff yesterday and if I'm not sleeping better after the weekend I'm going back to my old testosterone supplements to see if that helps. I haven't had a single night with three consecutive hours of sleep in over a week.

Work is frustrating me for reasons I'm not gonna go into here. I'll just say I've never been as close to quitting this job as I was yesterday afternoon.

The new receptionist at Dr. Jonah's asked me on Tuesday what I did. I hate answering that question with a response about my employment, but I honestly couldn't think of what else to answer. Right now my life is: work, food prep, eating, cleaning up after eating, and (five days a week) yoga. Like, that's it. No social activities outside of chatting with mckitterick during meals or before bed, and our Wednesday night burgers with a small group of friends, which can be filed under "eating." No art projects. I haven't even had the energy to sew a pair of commissioned bloomers for hdsqrl that would take me one measly hour.

Last night I got home from work and was so fatigued I lay down on the couch to re-charge before we went for burgers at 6:30. I woke up at 6:20. I don't even remember falling asleep (or trying to). Just lying down and pulling a blanket over me, then it was an hour later.

Those blissful good energy levels of last month might as well be a dream world for all I can remember how they felt or how to regain them. I'm usually more positive than this, but today? God, I'm just tired of things being such a fucking struggle.

Comments

[ms-danson.livejournal.com]

*slides the BIG RED BUTTON THAT ENDS THE WORLD over to you*

I'm not saying use it… I'm just saying… it's nice to have options that involve explosives.


*hugs*

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

[1-rhiannon-1.livejournal.com]

I hope that you can get to the root of whatever is causing your sleep issues! It does sound like either the testosterone or the endocrine supplements could be the culprit. (((lots of love and good thoughts)))

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

[splix.livejournal.com]

Ugh. So sorry. This whole month can go fuck itself. >:(

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

[write-out.livejournal.com]

Oh fuck, I heartily second this.

[msmitti.livejournal.com]

That sounds like a pile of yuck. It makes total sense to be depressed if your body just will not let you live your life.

I like the explosive option recommended above.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

[stuology.livejournal.com]

My bets would be on hormones for the sleep issues. I hope either supplement adjustment will help. And I hope sleep (and OMG, spring can get here anytime) will help with the depression.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

[sherwood21.livejournal.com]

Not getting enough sleep can also contribute to depression. Something to do with cortisol production & sleep re-setting it or something. If I find the article on that I'll send it your way. But good god, there's plenty of purely physical reasons that you're depressed.

I'm so sorry that your body is hurting. :( *gentle hugs*

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Oh, yes, I'm quite convinced and aware of the effects of cortisol. STUPID CORTISOL.

[redheadfae.livejournal.com]

Oh no. Losting the sleep is so depressing.
Perhaps your progesterone needs adjusting? I do much better at sleep with it, or at least when I ran out, my sleep went to hell til we increased it. I had thought it was the DHEA but going without didn't change my sleep.
I hope it works out for you soon. :fingers crossed:

I HATE that Americans make small talk by asking what we do. HATE IT. I want to live back in Europe where it's RUDE to ask that. This cultural stress on work. Speaking of that.. ugh... I'm so sorry about whatever's going on.

[sherwood21.livejournal.com]

I realized a while back that all I had to talk about was work. So I've been trying to do other stuff so I had other stuff to talk about. So when people ask what I'm up to, I don't say "Oh, I talk to people all day long about noise complaints and stabbings", I can say "Hey, I'm doing more costuming stuff again!" Makes me feel better too.

[redheadfae.livejournal.com]

It does feel good to be more interesting than our jobs.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I don't think it's the progesterone this time. Well, I mean it might be? But I changed at least two other things this month and I feel like it's more likely to be one of those things--and maybe how the change in those affected my progesterone.

I need to figure out how to not be angry and resentful about this work shit but frankly, I'm not sure I'm that evolved of a person.

[redheadfae.livejournal.com]

Fucking hormones, why does it have to be so hard to figure them out?

Is it maybe the crap at work affecting your sleep? Ugh.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

(Un?)Fortunately, no. The issues just started Monday. Sleep's been fucked for about two weeks now.

STUPID HORMONES.

[redheadfae.livejournal.com]

I HATES THEM. HyVee Pharm just switched brands on me and this one now has peanut oil. Fuck. I know I'm not "allergic" to it but I really don't want to dose myself with it in my meds. GAH.

[pointoforigin.livejournal.com]

God, I'm just tired of things being such a fucking struggle. Oh, I hear that. Loud and clear. So sorry, ugh. : P

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

[chalcedonygrey.livejournal.com]

Damn. Kinda nailed it there. [hugs]

[chalcedonygrey.livejournal.com]

Egads. That all sounds very overwhelming. [hugs] Sending good thoughts and love your way.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Thank you, bb.