clevermanka (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
clevermanka) wrote2019-06-12 12:59 pm
clevermanka) wrote2019-06-12 12:59 pm
Entry tags:
Wednesday Update
It's becoming very clear that I am Really Actually Very Terrible at making myself do things right now. I don't know what happened to my motivation over the past, um...ten years? however long it's been since I've had energy to do much of anything except survive and y'all, things are bad.
I have tried (gods have I tried) to work on my resume/job stuff so I can at least perform job-hunting for the unemployment check but even that is more than I can manage right now. Monday was a real low point. I was morose and unhappy all damn day and I just....ughhhhhhhhhh I don't know what's wrong and I certainly don't know what to do about it and all I want to think about is pretty boys being in love (and breaking my heart).
The one productive thing I have managed to do is get about a third of the way through the Guardian fic I'm remixing. So that's psychologically and emotionally rewarding but isn't helping me actually, you know, arrange my life.
I was hoping to use the month of June to Get Myself On A Schedule (mckitterick started his summer writing workshops on Monday and is largely absent for the rest of the month) but it's halfway through his first week of workshops and I've, uh...gone on two walks and various other piddly things. I'm in my third week of unemployment, y'all. This is not a good trend but thinking about pushing myself any harder makes me actually start to cry and we all know how I feel about crying, so...
I have tried (gods have I tried) to work on my resume/job stuff so I can at least perform job-hunting for the unemployment check but even that is more than I can manage right now. Monday was a real low point. I was morose and unhappy all damn day and I just....ughhhhhhhhhh I don't know what's wrong and I certainly don't know what to do about it and all I want to think about is pretty boys being in love (and breaking my heart).
The one productive thing I have managed to do is get about a third of the way through the Guardian fic I'm remixing. So that's psychologically and emotionally rewarding but isn't helping me actually, you know, arrange my life.
I was hoping to use the month of June to Get Myself On A Schedule (
mckitterick started his summer writing workshops on Monday and is largely absent for the rest of the month) but it's halfway through his first week of workshops and I've, uh...gone on two walks and various other piddly things. I'm in my third week of unemployment, y'all. This is not a good trend but thinking about pushing myself any harder makes me actually start to cry and we all know how I feel about crying, so...
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