Boo hiss

[clevermanka]

The audition did not go well. I got to the guitarist's house at 7:00 and the rest of the band didn't arrive until 8:00. The rehearsal space is a detached garage that didn't have the heat turned on yet. So I wound up singing completely cold, after a hard voice workout last night and a thorough warmup over an hour before I actually got to sing. My voice was shot and couldn't get back on track.

It was really frustrating. My parents raised me with the belief that I should never be ashamed or disappointed in myself as long as I did the best I could. But I didn't do my best last night. I just couldn't get there. Damn it.

But at least I did it. And as kijjohnson pointed out, she didn't win the World Fantasy Award. If Fudoki didn't win an award it so much deserved, god knows my flubbing an audition is a small small thing.

Comments

[solan-t.livejournal.com]

Sounds to me like you did your best for the trying conditions. Sorry it didn't go well. :(

[rougewench.livejournal.com]

Hon, you did not "flub" the audition. Circumstances occurred that put you into the position of not being at your best for the experience.

You were not in control of the bands behavior. If they are like most bands, their showing up late is indicative of the experience you would have working with them (which means, they would be a pain in the ass to deal with).

You have nothing to be ashamed of. If you have any lesson to learn from this it's that you need to be working on your voice consistently if you want to actually perform with it publically (meaning, had you not been in a postion that you needed the hard voice workong the night before, it might have gone differently - but then again it might not have).

You did what you chose to do. The choice was a gutsy one. I am absolutely proud of you.


D.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

you need to be working on your voice consistently
Yup. I think I'm going to call around to see if anyone does voice lessons that are more jazz-oriented and less focused on classical singing.

[redheadfae.livejournal.com]

Frustrating, indeed. The late start and crummy conditions are pretty much derigeur for Sellout, so maybe this is a sign that you'd not be happy actually as part of the whole enchilada.
Being up onstage and adored is one thing. The behind the scenes crap is pretty ugly.
One fearless leader we know has nothing on what the band goes through. ;)

I think there will be other opportunities for you out there. You're too wonderful to miss them.

[skyflame.livejournal.com]

*hug*

If it would help, I can talk with you sometime about the experiences I had in bands while I was in college. It's not altogether different than what you went through last night.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Nah. I'm not sad that I probably won't get called back. I'm more irritated that circumstances conspired against me to keep me from showing them what I really could do.

Thanks, though.

[radcliffe.livejournal.com]

Oh, honey! I am so damn proud of you for auditioning. While I would have wanted it to be perfect for you, the fact is that you faced that big huge thing, and that is amazing.

We are all....

[angelbedwell.livejournal.com]

a sum of our experiences. The more auditions you do, the better you become at it. At least that's my take on it.

It's important for me when I feel I didn't do my best to pamper myself with something - unfortunately that usually involves ice cream, liquor or something else bad for me. ;)

Keep shining, beautiful! And I want to karaoke with you!

Re: We are all....

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

December sometime. We should set a date. Now! Before I chicken out. =)

Re: We are all....

[adammaker.livejournal.com]

keep me in the loop please!

[professormass.livejournal.com]

Stoopid band. Fuck 'em. They suck. You rock.

As for doing your best...if you couldn't get there, then you tried your best. If you didn't reach your best due to circumstance, at least you got out there and tried.

Y'know, kinda like me showing off my half-assed writing skills to everybody on my friend's list, including folks like mckitterick. He's a scary literary type.

Except that what you did was braver. So take some comfort in that. You can say to yourself, "I'm braver than professormass, and he's a supervillain!"

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

mckitterick is the antithesis of scary literary type. Of course, I've never had him critique my writing, so.... ;D

[adammaker.livejournal.com]

You were brave and you stepped beyond your doubts.
This all by itself is wonderful and powerful.

Even Better, the next time a cool opportunity comes along you'll be better able to step right past fear, and Go For It.

It's your road, keep on walking.

-=-
I'm also in favor of Drunken Karaoke with you.
I've never been coaxed into Karoke before, care to show me how to just step up the mic?
I've been fascinated by the idea of the private rooms for Karoke at the Moon Bar... Keep the audience to supportive friends, eh?

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I am more scared to sing in front of friends than I am to strip in front of stranges. Seriously. Singing for strangers is a breeze for me. For friends? Not so much.

But I'd be up for a trip to KC to karoke with angelbedwell. I actually didn't care for the setup at Moon Bar. I'd rather be up on a stage singing. That way I feel like I'm performing, not really singing.

[adammaker.livejournal.com]

The trip sounds like a fun thing!
I am stuck here in Lawrence this weekend, but other weekends could work for me.

Just Curious, ignore question if desired:
Any ideas about why singing in front of people you know is worse?

I think I like the name of the Moon Bar mostly, I've never been inside.

Your Umbrella Wrangler,
Adam

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I'm out of town and/or unavailable until well into December, so no karoke anytime soon.

Any ideas about why singing in front of people you know is worse?
Nope, but my mom is the exact same way--and we are very nearly the same person, so it doesn't surprise me.

[arian1.livejournal.com]

I believe in you! *hug*

[fantomas71.livejournal.com]

Look. You showed up. That's something very positive. It took enormous strength and determination and you did it while you were sick.

[normalcyispasse.livejournal.com]

Rats. I'm really sad to hear about the snafu, but I'm still rooting for you!

[breaca.livejournal.com]

Don't give up hope on this band just yet. What I've found really funny about auditioning is that sometimes when you feel you've given your best audition, you don't get in. Sometimes when you feel you've given the shitiest audition of your life, you DO get in. It's a strange phenomenon. Who knows what these people are looking for? You may well have blown them away. (and of course, we are our own harshest judges)

[kijjohnson.livejournal.com]

You were in an stressful and difficult situation. It seems to me you did a good thing, even if it goes nowhere.

[lightonthesill.livejournal.com]

to the band: "Thbbbbbbttttt." EWwwww. That feeling SUCKS. Let it go sugar. I am so very proud of you for showing up and throwing your ass on the line. That's what it takes...over and over again. And in my experience I try not to count on it gettign any easier or more convinient...as D. said...all you can do is work on your instrument....so it's set to go at any time. : )
Way to go babe.

[tessagratton.livejournal.com]

this is gonna sound silly, but *THE* kij johnson? i mean, obviously, yes, since i'm familiar with Fudoki and The Fox Woman and... cooooooool. (i never have reactions like this to movie stars, etc. once, i got all flushed and nervous because i was having lunch with a woman who is friends with one of my fav writers, Gloria Anzaldua, and she promised to pass along a book recommendation. she was like, 'oh that sounds like something Gloria would love!' and i totally peed. academic fandom... it's a sickness...)

(i wish i had something to add concerning your audition, but i hate them myself, and all i've got is platitudes like 'it must not have been meant to be...' which i believe, but it's still sucky support. :/)

Tess

[kijjohnson.livejournal.com]

LOL! Yeah, c'est moi. You made my day.

[tessagratton.livejournal.com]

well, in that case, it's really nice to meet you, even in this virtual, semi-reality. :)

[starstraf.livejournal.com]

but you did it, you went out side the comfort zone and survived.