clevermanka (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
clevermanka) wrote2005-08-31 10:37 am
clevermanka) wrote2005-08-31 10:37 am
Entry tags:
Pity Party, take two
What a miserable day yesterday.
I admit I'm not doing real great right now. I'm just sad--generally overall sad. The sad that sinks into my bones. Like it did when I used to get Seasonal Affected Disorder.
The destruction of New Orleans makes me sadder. I know I didn't live there. I know haven't lost anything tangible. I know, I know. But it was the one city in which I've ever experienced a sense of belonging. If I could have, I would have sold everything here and just stayed down there when I visited over the winter. Now, of course, I guess I should be glad I didn't, but... I fell in love there with New Orleans. It meant more to me than I can explain.
Then not one--not one!--of the stores I went to yesterday had what I needed.
Eucerin SPF 30 face cream at Target: No.
Tassel fringe at Tuesday Morning: No.
Parasol and/or fan at World Market: No.
Green Ban bug repellant at the Merc: No.
I admit I didn't even bother going to Hobby Lobby. I just couldn't face it.
Dance class didn't go well. I don't know if it's distraction or simple tiredness but I am having real problems with this simple line dance that we're doing for ME weekend. It's likely the only group number I'll be in since I still don't know the "big girl's" troupe number (the one they did in the sexy black velvet dresses for Cairo on the Kaw).
And then I screwed up on something else (personal--won't go into it) that, if nothing above had happened, would've just been a slap-the-forehead and laugh-it-off situation but instead it reduced me to stupid tears.
Today I'm still vaguely exhausted emotionally, and that bleeds over to the physical. I want to go out for Indian lunch buffet but I have no money for it. Plus I have to leave at 2:00 today to go get my annual bloodwork done, so I couldn't go even if I did have the money.
I am pissy. And I have ennui.
I admit I'm not doing real great right now. I'm just sad--generally overall sad. The sad that sinks into my bones. Like it did when I used to get Seasonal Affected Disorder.
The destruction of New Orleans makes me sadder. I know I didn't live there. I know haven't lost anything tangible. I know, I know. But it was the one city in which I've ever experienced a sense of belonging. If I could have, I would have sold everything here and just stayed down there when I visited over the winter. Now, of course, I guess I should be glad I didn't, but... I fell in love there with New Orleans. It meant more to me than I can explain.
Then not one--not one!--of the stores I went to yesterday had what I needed.
Eucerin SPF 30 face cream at Target: No.
Tassel fringe at Tuesday Morning: No.
Parasol and/or fan at World Market: No.
Green Ban bug repellant at the Merc: No.
I admit I didn't even bother going to Hobby Lobby. I just couldn't face it.
Dance class didn't go well. I don't know if it's distraction or simple tiredness but I am having real problems with this simple line dance that we're doing for ME weekend. It's likely the only group number I'll be in since I still don't know the "big girl's" troupe number (the one they did in the sexy black velvet dresses for Cairo on the Kaw).
And then I screwed up on something else (personal--won't go into it) that, if nothing above had happened, would've just been a slap-the-forehead and laugh-it-off situation but instead it reduced me to stupid tears.
Today I'm still vaguely exhausted emotionally, and that bleeds over to the physical. I want to go out for Indian lunch buffet but I have no money for it. Plus I have to leave at 2:00 today to go get my annual bloodwork done, so I couldn't go even if I did have the money.
I am pissy. And I have ennui.
Do you know what it means...
Yes, I know exactly what you mean. I never wanted to leave there either. The people there are very resilient - just another of the magical qualities of their character.
Stupid stores and who can ever take the Lobby of Hobby ;)
I've got ennui too....
Re: Do you know what it means...