clevermanka | Pity Party, take two

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typical life

Pity Party, take two

What a miserable day yesterday.

I admit I'm not doing real great right now. I'm just sad--generally overall sad. The sad that sinks into my bones. Like it did when I used to get Seasonal Affected Disorder.

The destruction of New Orleans makes me sadder. I know I didn't live there. I know haven't lost anything tangible. I know, I know. But it was the one city in which I've ever experienced a sense of belonging. If I could have, I would have sold everything here and just stayed down there when I visited over the winter. Now, of course, I guess I should be glad I didn't, but... I fell in love there with New Orleans. It meant more to me than I can explain.

Then not one--not one!--of the stores I went to yesterday had what I needed.

Eucerin SPF 30 face cream at Target: No.
Tassel fringe at Tuesday Morning: No.
Parasol and/or fan at World Market: No.
Green Ban bug repellant at the Merc: No.

I admit I didn't even bother going to Hobby Lobby. I just couldn't face it.

Dance class didn't go well. I don't know if it's distraction or simple tiredness but I am having real problems with this simple line dance that we're doing for ME weekend. It's likely the only group number I'll be in since I still don't know the "big girl's" troupe number (the one they did in the sexy black velvet dresses for Cairo on the Kaw).

And then I screwed up on something else (personal--won't go into it) that, if nothing above had happened, would've just been a slap-the-forehead and laugh-it-off situation but instead it reduced me to stupid tears.

Today I'm still vaguely exhausted emotionally, and that bleeds over to the physical. I want to go out for Indian lunch buffet but I have no money for it. Plus I have to leave at 2:00 today to go get my annual bloodwork done, so I couldn't go even if I did have the money.

I am pissy. And I have ennui.

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We need to band together and boycott bad days.

No fucking shit. I will admit you've got it worse than me. I should suck it up already.

to miss New Orleans? Those moss covered vines and sweet sugar pines...

Yes, I know exactly what you mean. I never wanted to leave there either. The people there are very resilient - just another of the magical qualities of their character.

Stupid stores and who can ever take the Lobby of Hobby ;)

I've got ennui too....

I just wanna sit. Sit and watch the world pass by. I guess I'll get to do some of that soon enough. Along with walkies, shoppies, and all that. =/

Give me lift there..
I'll buy you buffet!

Wish I could. Some other day, though, 'K?

And it killed Neville.

I empathize with your feelings for New Orleans. Aside from being vaguely worried for friends who have family there, I have no ties to the city, and I've never even been there. But it's always been at the top of my list of places I need to be in, and that's saying a lot, considering how much of the South you have to go through to get there. So I am going to sit here and think really hard that she will recover, because she HAS to. We need her.

Hugs.

Thank you.

Psssst, I have a pile of about 10 flat fans appropriate to faire, you are welcome to have a bunch of them to share with the girls.

I also have a parasol or 5 if you would like to borrow one.

http://asianideas.com/paper.html

This is where I got them- neat, huh?

Can't help much with self esteem demons, not even my own. But hell if you are going to be able to stop me from helping with all the other stuff! :>

*giant hugs, and reminders of how amazing you are*

Oh wow, those are much better prices than Pearl River.

In the meantime I would love love love to borrow a fan and a parasol until I have more spending cash. You're an angel. I can't pick them up tonight, but perhaps tomorrow before I dance at Aladdin? Or Friday?

Thanks, hon, for everything.

either one :>

and you are most welcome.

I'll email ya.

Oh, thank you for the link! I keep forgetting I need a new parasol. Nylon this time, since I can!

Ah my dear, I can well understand that the world has become overwhelming. Frankly you've been running so fast for the past few months that as things are coming to head the emotional part of all of it is just now catching up to you. Just do what you can to get through the next few days and we will all, as a group, be working hard to banish the pain, sorrow, annoyance, frustration, and ennui any of us have by playing dress up and "taking it out" on the masses.

And about New Orleans...I know exactly how you feel. New Orleans has held a very special place in my life, having been the location of some of the most wonderful experiences I have lived through -- Staying for a week or so with the Strams in Covington (I'm sure the magnificent house is at least partially flooded if not destroyed, as it was on a bayou) and going to see Who at LSU in Baton Rouge...2 years working the NORenfest when it was in Metarie (I bet that park is wholly submerged and the Round Up most likely destroyed), and a blissful weekend spent there years ago early in my relationship with

digibri (the hotel we stayed at took some damage from what I understand, and I'm sure the beautiful place we went to across the lake in Covington for my friend Mary's wedding is now history).

I feel as if one of the base touchstones of my life has been wiped away, never to be the same. I haven't had the courage to call my friend Mary as I don't want to intrude if she has not heard from family members down there (her mother and at least one of her brothers still lived down there), particularly after the loss of her father earlier this year.

In light of what's happening down there, it's hard not to feel as if all we do is so very small and meaningless by comparison.

May we both find our centers, rediscover ourselves and figure out a way to have some fucking fun in the next 7 weeks. We could truly both use it.

Love you dearly,

D.

Here center, center, center...

Yes, I need to shake this off and start looking for fun. Because with this current mentality it's certainly not going to come looking for me.

yep, I've only been *through* there and feel rather the same. I'm doubly sad that I didn't go see it pre-Katrina. I'll bet it's doubly bittersweet for you right now.

Jeez, it's all I can do to realize that if it had been me down there now, I'd probably not have had the means to evacuate either. I'd have had to grab the cat and hope for a passing semi. I just hope my dance pals down there are all safe somewhere.
It sure makes our shopping jaunt look like a minor annoyance instead of a major one.
and with your overall sensitivity and all the chaos going on right now, it's not surprising that everything is right up on the surface. Hang in there, at least you'll have Big Fun this weekend with great people. I envy you that.

it's doubly bittersweet for you right now
Yeah.

Soooo much looking forward to finally getting out on site Saturday morning. I'm sure once I put on my Show Face I'll feel better.

I know how you feel about Orleans, its how I felt about SF the very first time I saw it from the plane window. And my love for England when my feet hit the ground in London. Its an intangable connection that just can't be described in mere words.

It makes me feel better to know that some people understand. Thanks.

It can be internal Hell or internal Twister to think of a place that you wanted to return to as "not there anymore".
Esp. bad if you have been promising a return to that location as a self-promised reward.

I could list out those places that are that way for me, but the one that IS gone forever is the Greenhouse Restaurant.
It was part of World Trade Center 2, and it was where my Maternal Grandparents taught me how to dance the dances from across the decades.

Phoooey.

The good news is that City of New Orleans is made up of the people, and when the people return, they will put things back the way they like it. And so many people like 'the Big O' the way it was,
that the desire to rebuild is going to get tons of support.

On a practical note, I have had great success with Burt's Bees Herbal Insect Repellent.
Cheap nowadays at walgreens or the Merc.

Ingredients:
Active Ingredients: Lemongrass Oil 3.2%, Citronella Oil .40%, Rosemary Oil .40%
Inert Ingredients: Grape Seed Oil, Vitamin E.

It can be internal Hell or internal Twister to think of a place that you wanted to return to as "not there anymore".
Esp. bad if you have been promising a return to that location as a self-promised reward.

Yes on both counts.

Re: Greenhouse Restaurant-- =(

I think I'll make do with the nasty chemical stuff that Chris Evans sprays on everyone. I've found nothing works for me like Green Ban. I'm fucking crack for mosquitoes. They love me.

From NEJM:
If it is mosquitoes (not mojitos) you need to keep away...

See this study:
http://content.nejm.org/cgi/content/full/347/1/13

The most important table, Product name, duration of effectiveness.
http://content.nejm.org/content/vol347/issue1/images/large/04t1.jpeg

I'm sorry the day went so crappy for you yesterday, and I sympathize with your bone-deep sadness. I know that feeling.

New Orleans is one of those places that I have always wanted to visit and of which I've heard so many great stories. I am envious that you were able to experience it before this disaster, as the experience will now forever be divided into "before" and "after" categories.

Looking forward to seeing you out at Faire. :)

Thank you for the kind words. I'm generally a very happy person. I like to be happy. It's why I had no problem accepting the fact that I had to be on meds when I had SAD. So this feeling of general misery is quite awful for me. I don't like it. =/

See you at Faire! Be sure to introduce yourself, since I'm not sure I'll recognize you.

LOL- that's right, you probably wouldn't recognize me. I've met you a few times- first at Faire when the wenches put lip prints all over my girlfriend, Dory, and the second time at Mark Stahl's birthday party.

I'll be shadowing the wenches some weekend during the run, and I'm playing Celtic music out there for two weekends. I'm sure we'll run into each other! :)

Oh! you're Dory's girlfriend! She's such a cutie. =) Yes perhaps I'll recognize you after all, then! I hadn't made the connection.

I'm right there with ya. Monday I had a meltdown in the midst of following up on moving dregs... my body hurt and my brain was just fried. I started just standing in the middle of a room, turning slow circles and doing nothing useful. Then I cried with damn near every step I took.

I hate times like that. So sorry you're stuck there too. Misery may love company but I don't like people I like being in such a state. : /

Aw, baby. Moving sucks. I hate it when your brain and body just Shut Down.

Misery loves company, but I prefer the kind of company that makes me less miserable. *hug*

I think it's hitting everybody pretty hard. I couldn't stop looking at and reading about and listening to the sadness today, and just crying. I've never been there. But I feel the loss keenly, and I know you must feel 100x that. Sorry, baby. Things will be better again. *hugs*

Thanks. Hug back atcha. Hope to see you soon!

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I keep waiting for Bush to blame the hurricane on Iraq or Hugo Chavez

Or homosexuals.

No, no, it's Falwell and Pat "Let's Whack South American Leaders" Robertson who blames these things on homosexuals. As well as feminists and liberals.

it's Falwell and Pat ... Robertson who blames these things on homosexuals
Give Bush time. I'm sure he'll come around

Muchos Eee-ville hugs, my dear.

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Pity Party, take two

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Do you know what it means...

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Ennui sucks.

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