clevermanka | Tracking mood swings

Last night was an up. That was great. And over.

I woke at 5:30 this morning with a huge weight of inexplicable dread on my chest. I thought a physical and mental combo activity would help, so I started to rearrange my sewing room. Yes, again. Some of my ancient wire shelves broke and I'm trying to find a solution that doesn't involve spending money. This morning's solution = Not working.

Two hours and change later, I'm looking at this wreck of a room wondering what the hell I was thinking.

I found some more Fetish things that didn't make it to the Humane Society on the first trip, so that was kind of rough. Her cat carrier still had an old tee shirt in it. I'm trying to decide if it's worth it to go ahead and have a cry. I'm pretty sure that it wouldn't help, though, and I'd just wind up with itchy eyes and a stuffed-up nose on top of all the other shit.

I'd love to be able to start on some Wellbutrin right now. Sweet Jesus. This is just plain annoying.

And hey, if anyone wants a really nice cat carrier, let me know asap.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

*sympathy*

Thank you.

Hormones (or the lack of them) can be so not helpful sometimes.

I could use a nice cat carrier, and will honor it with the respect it deserves. I'd also give it back if someday, another cat comes to live with you. Let me know.

I have been fighting my mood as hard as I can, and my mood is beating my ass into pathetic submission.

We saved back one (the other went to the Humane Society yesterday), and I think it would be okay to let you use it on long-term loan.

Hope today's sun is helping a little.

don't be tough on yourself, it's very early days, and it's normal to grieve, even if how you do it feels unproductive.

i looked up your drug, and it looks like it is one which is for long term use. it might possibly be worth dropping in to the doc and asking for something for short term use if you really feel like you are not coping. being a one woman pharmacy, i self medicated for the short term leading up to my op with a low dose of chlopromazine, which works well for circular thinking and anxiety and works very quickly and needn't be taken for long. in fact, once i had given myself permission to take it and got rubber stamped on that by my gp, i then found myself not taking it - just knowing it was there and i could take it if i wanted to seemed to be more or less enough for the time being.

when my cats died it took several weeks for me to stop feeling dreadful every single day. i particularly remember grieving chaos. my then boyfriend bought me an expensive bottle of port and dished me out a glass every night as medicine. it seemed to help. he had a particularly nasty end and i felt terribly guilty. and i had loved him very much, often telling him that he was my 'real' boyfriend. i used to feed him yeast treats from between my teeth. you could say our relationship was a little unhealthy...

still. the point of this meandering story is that you shouldn't expect to be over your cat's death yet. not by a long shot. don't be hard on yourself. and don't expect a good cry to fix it. your little fluffy love has died. that is super sad. neither blocking your feelings nor acting out will stop the fact of the matter. probably the main thing is to try not to wreck yourself or your stuff in the process, don't make any major decisions for a few weeks, and in all other respects, just live through it.

your little fluffy love has died. that is super sad.

Yes. Thank you for understanding, and putting it so well.

I can't start any new medications this month, since I'm doing lots of lab tests for thyroid and autoimmune issues. I just gotta get through the next three weeks...

that's bad timing. still, drugs don't always help anyway. it might be worth treating your heartache as pain and doing pacing - when you are doing something sedentary move around for ten minutes for every hour, and when you are moving around rest for ten minutes for every hour, or something of your own devising - when driven by grief it can be easy to get into a fixed activity or inactivity and breaking out of either is good for the mind. it is quite hard to do, and it is very personal and depends on your own lifestyle and terrain, but i find it very useful. the dog's needs help me to do it sort of organically, but i used to use a timer and probably will again after the op.

Interesting! What a good idea, under any conditions. I'll give it a try...after my nap. =D

good girl.

let me know how you get on.

:pat, pat:

Thank you. =/

I will cry with for Fetish if it will help hugs.

Thank you. I'm glad you got to meet her, and you know what a sweetheart she was.

I hope things are all good with Squeaker--she's doing okay on the new diet?

I am glad I got to meet her as well, she was a very dear kitty.

Squeaker is doing better, still thinner than I would like but much more herself.

Tracking mood swings

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