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clevermankaAcupuncture last night. Kiva worked on my stuffy nose (sooooo much better today) and my back issues, which meant my currently swollen abdomen didn't get addressed at all. So I'm still stuffed uncomfortably into my clothes, and probably will be until my next session on Thursday next week. I'm uncertain what brought on this recent spate of puffiness. It's pretty crazy bad, as those who've seen it in person can attest. Remember the side-by-side swollen vs. normal photos? There have been a couple days in the past week where I've actually been more swollen than that top pic.
I'm thinking the general overall inflammation is not helping the stress on the sciatic nerve and the bulging disc. It's certainly not helping my mood. I'm blue and irritable. Mostly irritable.
When I'm ill or feeling otherwise less-than-myself, I turn a bit...oh, feral in my need to be left the hell alone. As I've mentioned before, the proper response to this desire to be ignored doesn't come naturally to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
mckitterick. To make things worse (for both of us), he's in a really good space right now and needs to talk about the amazing progress he's making on multiple projects. Meanwhile, I can't even muster the energy (or sometimes the ability) to carry the damn laundry basket up the stairs. So we're both needing the exact opposite thing from each other and alternately driving each other crazy and hurting each other's feelings. Ugly.
A very kind and compassionate little pixie has offered to help me with the housecleaning, though, so that's an enormous burden off my mind and shoulders. I know I'm not supposed to express gratitude to the fair folk, but I wanted to say in public: Thank You, Little Pixie! You may out yourself if you wish, or stay anonymous. I wasn't sure of your feelings about that, so I leave that disclosure up to you. Another bright spot:auroraceleste sent me the Katy Perry CD. Bless her heart!
I just went to the back door to feed the squirrels before leaving for work, and there's a dusting of snow on the ground. My favorite.
I'm thinking the general overall inflammation is not helping the stress on the sciatic nerve and the bulging disc. It's certainly not helping my mood. I'm blue and irritable. Mostly irritable.
When I'm ill or feeling otherwise less-than-myself, I turn a bit...oh, feral in my need to be left the hell alone. As I've mentioned before, the proper response to this desire to be ignored doesn't come naturally to
mckitterick. To make things worse (for both of us), he's in a really good space right now and needs to talk about the amazing progress he's making on multiple projects. Meanwhile, I can't even muster the energy (or sometimes the ability) to carry the damn laundry basket up the stairs. So we're both needing the exact opposite thing from each other and alternately driving each other crazy and hurting each other's feelings. Ugly. A very kind and compassionate little pixie has offered to help me with the housecleaning, though, so that's an enormous burden off my mind and shoulders. I know I'm not supposed to express gratitude to the fair folk, but I wanted to say in public: Thank You, Little Pixie! You may out yourself if you wish, or stay anonymous. I wasn't sure of your feelings about that, so I leave that disclosure up to you. Another bright spot:
auroraceleste sent me the Katy Perry CD. Bless her heart!I just went to the back door to feed the squirrels before leaving for work, and there's a dusting of snow on the ground. My favorite.
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Date: 2011-12-21 04:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-21 04:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-21 04:06 pm (UTC)Just kidding.
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Date: 2011-12-21 04:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-21 04:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-21 04:39 pm (UTC)-runs-
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Date: 2011-12-21 04:59 pm (UTC)Real life hugs will most likely result in fisticuffs.
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Date: 2011-12-21 04:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-21 04:49 pm (UTC)You think it's funny now.
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Date: 2011-12-21 04:32 pm (UTC)Yeah, nice.
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Date: 2011-12-21 05:00 pm (UTC)Poor you. Poor V. At least I'm consistent.
ALL THE SYMPATHY R BELONG TO U!
Date: 2011-12-21 04:53 pm (UTC)YES. This. And it sounds like
So, yeah. Sympathy.
[HUGS]
Re: ALL THE SYMPATHY R BELONG TO U!
Date: 2011-12-21 04:54 pm (UTC)Re: ALL THE SYMPATHY R BELONG TO U!
Date: 2011-12-21 04:57 pm (UTC)HA HA HA HA! Yes, yes this exactly. Here's the thing: For me, I know I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself unless I am really, truly incapacitated in which case I will ask for help so in the meantime please just go away and leave me in my peaceable misery.
Re: ALL THE SYMPATHY R BELONG TO U!
Date: 2011-12-21 05:28 pm (UTC)Ditto.
Here's the thing: For me, I know I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself unless I am really, truly incapacitated in which case I will ask for help so in the meantime please just go away and leave me in my
peaceablemisery.Near ditto.
=)
Re: ALL THE SYMPATHY R BELONG TO U!
Date: 2011-12-21 05:29 pm (UTC)And then beat people with it.
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Date: 2011-12-21 05:26 pm (UTC)I am glad that cleaning help has been offered. That is almost always a wonderful thing.
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Date: 2011-12-21 05:28 pm (UTC)Perfect icon is perfect, btw.
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Date: 2011-12-21 07:20 pm (UTC)And why do opposites attract anyway?
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Date: 2011-12-21 07:21 pm (UTC)I have no idea. I never considered myself a masochist, but my actions seem to indicate otherwise.
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Date: 2011-12-22 05:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-22 06:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-22 02:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-21 08:12 pm (UTC)Hope things get better fast.
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Date: 2011-12-21 08:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-21 08:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-21 08:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-21 09:21 pm (UTC)anyhow, hope you get better sooner rather than later, and hey -you got a housecleaning pixie? can i borrow her when you're done?
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Date: 2011-12-21 09:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-22 02:19 am (UTC)I'm leaving you alone so much that I wouldn't even comment on this post! Except that I had to say that cleaning help is the bomb.* Once my doctor was telling me about the huge correlation between chronic back issues and depression and I said no shit, nothing makes you feel more like a useless piece of crap than not even being able to pick up the fucking laundry basket or take clothes outta the washer so, yeah, take help and *ask for it* but otherwise, hole up sister and keep your head space as healthy as possible.
*nowadays I don't even hesitate when someone says "let me know if there is anything I can do" and I say "you can come over for like 30 minutes tomorrow and just get my shit together for me" and it's amazing how much someone else can get done around your house lickity split.
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Date: 2011-12-22 02:55 pm (UTC)And somehow, I feel that the fake-it-until-you-make-it adage does not apply here.
But.
I can certainly bring myself to ask for practical help. I can ask for physical assistance rather than hugs or affection. *shudder*
This is good and helpful information, thank you.
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Date: 2011-12-22 03:25 pm (UTC)There is a distinct difference between the practical and the emotional, as it relates to letting people give you what they want and actually *getting* what you want, and -- the gods forbid this become a regular occurrence for you as it is for me -- you just need to master navigating that line. In the above-mentioned case of "yeah, come over and clean up for 30 minutes" it probably goes without saying to *you* that that goes along with "and you won't see me while i'm here" because there's no 'oh let me greet you cheerily at the door and make you a cup of tea before you get started!"
Seriously, though, you'd be surprised at how many people are offering hugs or affection because they don't *know* what else to offer - they'd just as gladly do your dishes in silence because their sincere motivation is to make you feel better. Never feel bad about laying how they can do so right straight out on the line. Never.
It's the people who want to make you feel better but only the way the think should make you feel better who are the bastards you gotta watch out for; they'll drain your resources in nuthin' flat!
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Date: 2011-12-22 03:37 pm (UTC)And it is not just feeling like you *are* faking it, it's feeling as if you *have* to. As if what you are *actually* feeling is invalid so better put a "better" face on it. And why? For *other* people's sensibilities. fuck that shit. If you are a grouchy old lady, then you are a grouchy old lady. Grouchy old ladies generally have support systems and friends, too, just not ones who get off on patting their hands uselessly while looking sympathetic. Being grouchy serves a specific purpose of clearing your den. It would be nice if you could keep your den clear withOUT being grouchy -- because grouchy also takes energy that could be used for healing -- but the fact that one frequently can't says more to me about *other* people's issues than it does the grouch's. (although that last bit is not popular opinion because people like to believe they can get away with any discourtesy in the world in the name of being "nice".)
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Date: 2011-12-22 03:38 pm (UTC)Edit: And omg, the best 3eanuts for this topic just came up on my feed.