clevermanka | Friday Update

I am to the point of writing salty messages at work. Not salty at people, just about the situation. I also ceased my friendly salutations with persons in certain offices that I've worked with for ten years who haven't even whispered condolences to me about my job loss. I just don't care anymore. There's no fucking way I'd apply for a job at this university now so they can all suck my left tit. I would say I have progressed to the anger stage of grief, but let's face it, I've been angry my whole damn life. I just don't mask it here now. Not for these assholes.

This rant brought to you by "I just got a sympathetic email from someone I worked with once on a pilot project five years ago who I wouldn't have even thought remembered my name but the assholes I've worked with on a daily basis for a decade haven't said boo despite numerous other work-related emails."

Update 14:53CST The person at the office I was feeling particularly bruised about just came over in person to talk with me. She said she'd been trying for weeks to figure out how to write an email about the situation and then today she decided to just come over in person. We had a really good conversation. I admitted that I was feeling betrayed and hurt and she apologized. What a relief. That's one irritant I can take out of the mix at least. Oh, it's so nice to be pleasantly surprised.

My obsession with Certain Young Chinese Actors has reached the point where I gotta be okay with it because I don't think these pants feels are going anywhere for a while. I was hoping it was a quick little spike in my continuing love of them in the show, but no. Now I'm scrolling through Tumblr blogs for photoshoots of them and I just....fuuuuuuck. Guess this is what happens when I find a fandom obsession the same time my libido comes back online. Doesn't help that someone in an AO3 comment (on this lovely piece of fanart) informed me that they both smoke? Which is...an embarrassingly big turn-on for me? Ugh. It came on so fast! I am already at 2015-Hiddleston-levels of infatuation. Let's hope it doesn't crash and burn like that one did.

This fucking show. I'm actually considering writing fic for it? As in, I started taking notes and writing ideas? I mean I guess I'll have time on my hands for it. No promises, but the idea is definitely there (a remix of

naye 's A constellation of two from Shen Wei's POV I mean GO BIG OR GO HOME right?).

I wasn't even going to watch this stupid show but here we are I guess. *shoots looks of angry love and appreciation at

mekare *

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I know Zhu Yilong has smoked (and Zhao Yunlan does). Bai Yu's had multiple pneumothorax and surgeries and smoking would just be bad, bad news for him. I've always only ever seen people say that Bai Yu doesn't smoke and this is the first person I've ever seen say that he does.

I mean, honestly, it's better that they don't. It's a horrible, HORRIBLE habit and one of the few things I honestly feel guilty about finding sexy. That said, I miss smoking so god damned much and if the only way I get to experience it is through fantasizing about other people doing it, I'll take what I can get. *adds "bad habits" tag to this post*

I'm sorry for the reason you'll have spare time, but I'm always excited when people make fanworks for Guardian, so... yay?

SILVER LININGS!

Oh shit, I just realized I need to print out base images for the collages I know I'm eventually gonna want to make for Zhao Yunlan and Shen Wei. *note to self: bring correct paper to work next week while you still have access to a color laser printer*

Yep. It's shitty things like this in life where you find out who the kind, decent people are, and who are not worth your time in the slightest. Go you! Salt on!

I just got out of a really nice conversation with one of the people in question (see my edited update in the post) and am feeling much better about that office, now.

The rest of this university can still suck it, though.

WOOHOO! Oh that's the best. Good for them for fessing up and doing it the hard way, too.

I'm really sorry about your work situation - I'm actually quite well acquainted with how university management will just throw people under a bus. (I get the hardest, hardest kinks out of Zhao Yunlan refusing to do that with his team in episode... uh, 32? 33?)

You have time now! I know it's a double edged sword. But make the most of it. I deliberately exploded my last really shitty uni job (2008) and spent the summer in fannish delirium and it worked out, somehow.

I really hope it'll work out for you!!!

Thank you! I am in love with how supportive the Guardian fandom is here and I hope I get the chance to produce some quality content soon!

I have humorously poor luck in life (nothing ever devastating, just varied and constant annoyances that have plagued me since childhood) so I have practice landing on my feet. It'll all work out one way or the other.

I hope it doesn't crash and burn too. You deserve something fun in the pants feels department.

I agree! =D

Chinese celebrities are so heavily monitored, I don't think there's many options for embarrassing shenanigans on their part. Which is...not necessarily good, but...at least I don't have to worry about finding more about them personally than I want to know.

Salt away, my friend! YOU ARE BEING WRONGED. Ugh. It makes me fucking angry, it does.

That said, I am impressed that your coworker actually came over and 'fessed up in person and that you were both able to hash it out.

I know things are shit right now, but I'm so glad you've fallen into a new fandom and have something that is inspiring creativity (write the fic! write the fic!).

Her doing that made me really happy. And relieved. I don't feel like I'm abandoning my lambs to complete wolves.

What sort of self-talk did you use to psych yourself for writing your first fic? I mean, I barely consider myself an essay writer for non-fiction. Any general thoughts about the process of moving oneself into that headspace is appreciated.

It was so, so, so scary to commit to writing my first story. I've read SO MUCH fic over the years (my god, so much fic), and I never ever thought I could write something remotely as good as the stories I've loved over the years. So, that was a big hurdle I had to leap over right away- telling myself that my stories were just as worth telling as anyone else's.

I can see this turning into a long ramble; would you prefer I email it or share it here? Or maybe make a post about it?

If you want to write a post about it, I think a lot of people would be interested! But if this rather keep it private, email is fine.

No promises, but the idea is definitely there (a remix of [personal profile] naye 's A constellation of two from Shen Wei's POV I mean GO BIG OR GO HOME right?).

I am hyperventilating over here at the mere thought of this fic existing. DOOOO IIIT PLEASE!!!!

Edited 2019-05-11 15:18 (UTC)

pssst...I'm not sorry, either =D

Thank you so much for the encouragement! I'm gonna at least try! I feel like I'm in the minority of people in this fandom who naturally feel more inside Shen Wei's head than Zhao Yunlan's? Like, I can understand Zhao Yunlan, but I really get Shen Wei.

Yes do! If you need some cheerleadin or betaing let me know. :-)

I feel like I'm in the minority of people in this fandom who naturally feel more inside Shen Wei's head than Zhao Yunlan's?

Huh, I've never thought about the numbers there... for me it's Shen Wei too.

Maybe it's observational bias...that I'm in Shen Wei's head so hard that I notice more the people saying they aren't.

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Sorry, not sorry at ALL

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