clevermanka (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
clevermanka) wrote2019-06-03 03:23 pm
clevermanka) wrote2019-06-03 03:23 pm
Entry tags:
Why I don't bother with plans
Last week was my Week of Not Doing Shit with grand plans to start All The Things this week. Morning exercise, writing time, and various remaining things about the house since detritus of my office move-out is still in residence in our living room.
Thanks to an absolutely terrible night's sleep (awake from a little before 2am until a bit after 4:30), productivity did not begin today. I managed to hang stuff up in my project room (which serves as craft/sewing/yoga and soon-to-be writing space) and that wiped me out.
The appliance repairperson came today only to discover (for himself) that the problem isn't the control board, it's the motor. Which I told them. Twice. During the three god damned weeks we waited for the (unnecessary) board.
Repairperson tried to make me feel better by explaining that they wanted to try the cheaper option first but I just blinked and sent "four weeks without a functioning dryer" irritation vibes at him.
There is some sort of issue (I got the impression of a family emergency) with Dr. Sexy's office so my ozone treatments are on hold until next week. I think the treatment is already having results even though I'm not feeling different yet. On Saturdaymckitterick said my breath smells weird (always a welcome observation, thanks hon) which I'm assuming is die-off since I brushed my teeth right before we started kissing and we had the exact same thing for lunch.
I'm having some emotional/psychological blowback from the job loss. Finally, I guess? It's not what woke me, but as I came into consciousness I was flooded with adrenaline from anxiety and despair at Not Having An Income. It was similar to the waking panics I had after the 2016 U.S. election only on a micro- instead of macro-level. Both are shitty and I would like to stop experiencing them, please. At least not having a job meant I was able to sleep in until 8:30 but I'm still groggy and heavy-hearted, even well into late afternoon. I mademckitterick promise that he wouldn't resent having to support me (and my bad breath) for the foreseeable future. I might have made him repeat it twice because things you say three times are true.
Relying on other people is not one of my strong suits. Like, really really not my thing. I would rather deal with the lack of something than rely on someone else to provide it. My commitment issues, let me show you them.
I want to dance these feelings out. It's been a long time since I felt like doing that and even longer since I was able to do so. Soon, hopefully. Soon.
Thanks to an absolutely terrible night's sleep (awake from a little before 2am until a bit after 4:30), productivity did not begin today. I managed to hang stuff up in my project room (which serves as craft/sewing/yoga and soon-to-be writing space) and that wiped me out.
The appliance repairperson came today only to discover (for himself) that the problem isn't the control board, it's the motor. Which I told them. Twice. During the three god damned weeks we waited for the (unnecessary) board.
Repairperson tried to make me feel better by explaining that they wanted to try the cheaper option first but I just blinked and sent "four weeks without a functioning dryer" irritation vibes at him.
There is some sort of issue (I got the impression of a family emergency) with Dr. Sexy's office so my ozone treatments are on hold until next week. I think the treatment is already having results even though I'm not feeling different yet. On Saturday
mckitterick said my breath smells weird (always a welcome observation, thanks hon) which I'm assuming is die-off since I brushed my teeth right before we started kissing and we had the exact same thing for lunch. I'm having some emotional/psychological blowback from the job loss. Finally, I guess? It's not what woke me, but as I came into consciousness I was flooded with adrenaline from anxiety and despair at Not Having An Income. It was similar to the waking panics I had after the 2016 U.S. election only on a micro- instead of macro-level. Both are shitty and I would like to stop experiencing them, please. At least not having a job meant I was able to sleep in until 8:30 but I'm still groggy and heavy-hearted, even well into late afternoon. I made
mckitterick promise that he wouldn't resent having to support me (and my bad breath) for the foreseeable future. I might have made him repeat it twice because things you say three times are true. Relying on other people is not one of my strong suits. Like, really really not my thing. I would rather deal with the lack of something than rely on someone else to provide it. My commitment issues, let me show you them.
I want to dance these feelings out. It's been a long time since I felt like doing that and even longer since I was able to do so. Soon, hopefully. Soon.
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I hope you feel better soon, and are able to dance it out, too!
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Oh god I would get so mad...
Not entirely shocking the job loss is coming to the fore now, but ouch. >.< It's hard having to depend on someone, but at least your someone seems to be pretty great about it! I hope the dancing it out can happen soon!
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