clevermanka (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
clevermanka) wrote2014-08-27 08:09 am
clevermanka) wrote2014-08-27 08:09 am
Entry tags:
Tired
Oh, friends. I am running out of steam. ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
siro_gravity mentioned a couple days ago that I hadn't been chatty much and indeed, no, I haven't.
The majority of my mental energy has been used in public conversations and private considerations of race and white privilege and it is exhausting. I hold in awe people of color who deal with this shit every god damned minute of every god damned day. You all are amazing. Please have my esteem, sympathy, and respect forever and ever.
One of the posts I want to write soon is about my motivations for being such a vocal proponent for equality and justice for all. I just can't do it justice (heh) right now. I am too tired.
Another factor influencing my exhaustion is the fact that I don't think I fully recovered from spraining my back in July. I took two weeks off, then resumed training, then hurt it again, then went to Comic-Con, and then was gun-shy about returning to activity, and then failed to do active and proper recovery work, and now I'm just a fucking mess, physically.
My inflammation and swelling are horrible, I'm tired all the time, and this month my body decided to resume its old 22 day cycle. I'm mostly sleeping through the night, and when I do wake up I'm able to fall back asleep, but I don't know how well I'm resting because Christ I am so tired. I'm tired nearly from the time I get up until the time I go to bed, with a small afternoon window of energy. In other words, pretty much textbook timing for adrenal fatigue, which I know kicks me into a chronic fatigue spiral.
So I'm looking at another period of clawing my way out of this fucking health hellhole and god damn that is just depressing as hell you guys. It's rough to do it once or twice but I feel like I've been climbing for the past fifteen years. And just when I think "Hey! I'm finally out of the well!" or even "Hey! I can finally grab the bucket!" something knocks me off the edge back down to the bottom.
*cue pity party music*
I was planning to take a week off work for a staycation (seriously my favorite type of vacation I am not lying) sometime this semester but it needs to happen sooner rather than later.
My relief at not doing Renaissance Festival this year cannot be described in words. OH MY GOD YOU GUYS.
So that's where I am right now. I'm already pursuing new strategies, too. I bought a registration? membership? thing? at ph360, an online program that adjusts food and exercise recommendations based on one's changing health. It told me to cut out some of my favorite foods (no cruciferous vegetables, no egg yolks--not even duck eggs, no alcohol, no a lot of other things), but suggested some things I've been avoiding (like butter lettuce and alfalfa sprouts, because they're raw). Since I haven't noticed any improvement in my body's reaction toward the foods I have been eating, I figure why not try incorporating salads more often? And that's been nice, especially with our current weather. I'm also going to attend an open house of a chiropractor/holistic health dude in KC thatotterdancing sees. Feel him out to see if he's someone I can work since I think I've about exhausted what Dr. Khosh can do for me.
One step forward, two steps back. But at least I'm not lying down and letting the current carry me the wrong way. Still fighting. I'm having a hard time getting my hands up but I'm still standing.
siro_gravity mentioned a couple days ago that I hadn't been chatty much and indeed, no, I haven't. The majority of my mental energy has been used in public conversations and private considerations of race and white privilege and it is exhausting. I hold in awe people of color who deal with this shit every god damned minute of every god damned day. You all are amazing. Please have my esteem, sympathy, and respect forever and ever.
One of the posts I want to write soon is about my motivations for being such a vocal proponent for equality and justice for all. I just can't do it justice (heh) right now. I am too tired.
Another factor influencing my exhaustion is the fact that I don't think I fully recovered from spraining my back in July. I took two weeks off, then resumed training, then hurt it again, then went to Comic-Con, and then was gun-shy about returning to activity, and then failed to do active and proper recovery work, and now I'm just a fucking mess, physically.
My inflammation and swelling are horrible, I'm tired all the time, and this month my body decided to resume its old 22 day cycle. I'm mostly sleeping through the night, and when I do wake up I'm able to fall back asleep, but I don't know how well I'm resting because Christ I am so tired. I'm tired nearly from the time I get up until the time I go to bed, with a small afternoon window of energy. In other words, pretty much textbook timing for adrenal fatigue, which I know kicks me into a chronic fatigue spiral.
So I'm looking at another period of clawing my way out of this fucking health hellhole and god damn that is just depressing as hell you guys. It's rough to do it once or twice but I feel like I've been climbing for the past fifteen years. And just when I think "Hey! I'm finally out of the well!" or even "Hey! I can finally grab the bucket!" something knocks me off the edge back down to the bottom.
*cue pity party music*
I was planning to take a week off work for a staycation (seriously my favorite type of vacation I am not lying) sometime this semester but it needs to happen sooner rather than later.
My relief at not doing Renaissance Festival this year cannot be described in words. OH MY GOD YOU GUYS.
So that's where I am right now. I'm already pursuing new strategies, too. I bought a registration? membership? thing? at ph360, an online program that adjusts food and exercise recommendations based on one's changing health. It told me to cut out some of my favorite foods (no cruciferous vegetables, no egg yolks--not even duck eggs, no alcohol, no a lot of other things), but suggested some things I've been avoiding (like butter lettuce and alfalfa sprouts, because they're raw). Since I haven't noticed any improvement in my body's reaction toward the foods I have been eating, I figure why not try incorporating salads more often? And that's been nice, especially with our current weather. I'm also going to attend an open house of a chiropractor/holistic health dude in KC that
otterdancing sees. Feel him out to see if he's someone I can work since I think I've about exhausted what Dr. Khosh can do for me.One step forward, two steps back. But at least I'm not lying down and letting the current carry me the wrong way. Still fighting. I'm having a hard time getting my hands up but I'm still standing.
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Upon repeated viewings and online discussion, I'm getting flashbacks to my time watching X-files. Watching the showrunners lose control of the monster they created because they want to be MYSTERIOUS and DARK and shit instead of just writing a decent fucking story.