Friend: You're the best, thank you!
Me: It is LIT.ER.ALLY the least I could do after dragging you down with me
Friend: I feel like this should end up as a viral thing like Ringu, where the only way to recover is get a new person hooked and dragged into the fandom.
Me: I mean that's not completely inaccurate...
She's a massive Hannibal fan so it's not like she can't take it. She'll be fine. Right?
( More under a cut. )
I also forgot to post Thursday's Link Dump. Sorry. Habits are slow to build.
Not much going on to update y'all about except last night I was listening to a song by one of my fave country bands (now sadly disbanded). I sometimes have a hard time singing along because I start laughing over these lyrics:
Our wedding day was nothin' short of perfect
Everything so beautifully arranged
Then out of the blue right before we said 'I do'
She turned and ran like she'd gone insane
There goes the bride you can kiss that girl goodbye
I guess she really takes the cake this time
Those bold lines just kill me every. single. time. They don't give you time to recover from the hilarity of "kiss that girl goodbye" before hitting you with the "takes the cake" line and you guys country music lyrics can be so good sometimes.
Anyone else here feel like admitting to a love of country music? I can enjoy anything from Bakersfield (I especially love that style) to modern country (which is a lot dicier) as long as the sound is good and the lyrics aren't offensive (or boring). The biggest factor for me is I'm annoyingly tied to things having a typical verse, chorus, verse, chorus, bridge, (verse), chorus. Blues and most bluegrass don't really do it for me, alas.
Fun news, though! An acquaintance of the Burgomaster invested heavily in this company and the Burgomaster bought some of their products on his recommendation. I've been taking them (the sublingual powder form) for about six weeks and my blood results showed a massive improvement in some-or-the-other cell function which is critically tied to NAD (which this stuff supports). Dr. Sexy was pretty convinced that improvement was due to my taking the supplement. Also, he remarked on my improved Omega 3 numbers and said the fish oil supplements must be helping. I told him I stopped taking them a while ago and switched to just eating a lot of canned sardines. So that's apparently working, and doesn't contribute (as heavily) to over-fishing issues (and is better absorbed, anyway).
I planned to have a hermit weekend but turns out I'll be socializing on Sunday with one of our profs (my faculty BFF) and our department's student assistant who is graduating after working for us for four years. She's leaving for grad school and this might be the last time the three of us get to hang out before she takes off. *weeps* It's a rough thing about making friends with students. It's good when they leave (that's what's supposed to happen anyway), but it's still sad.
Had another 3am wake-up this morning. mckitterick keeps trying to make suggestions about things to do and (I think) gets frustrated with my continued refrain of "There Is Probably No Solution To This It Just Needs To Be Survived." I feel like he thinks that's me being defeatist, but I don't know a single person who has hit menopause and still sleeps eight hours seven nights a week. Nothing is going to help with hormone fluctuations and that's just life.
I replied to the post:
I haven't wanted to be alive for about...three years? maybe a little longer? I vacillate between Actively Hoping for Death and Merely Wishing To Not Be Alive. My best days are the ones where I'm not disappointed that I woke up that morning--the ones where I have only a sense of mild annoyance that I'm still here, still (barely) functioning.
And I know this isn't going to change unless my health improves significantly. Improves to a point that I honestly can't even see from here.
I won't kill myself--I know how sad and pissed off my friends would be and I will never put them through that unless things get so so SO much worse than they are.
But as far as being excited to be alive, not having that feeling of "gosh wouldn't it be great to just not wake up in the morning" no, I don't even remember how that feels.
And it's not something I think about unless it's pointed out to me. It's just my life. *shrug*
Keep on keeping on. Chop wood, carry water.
I don't say this to garner sympathy or encouragement or anything (in fact, please...just don't). It's very nice of people to say those things, and it might make you feel better, but it doesn't help me (it actually kind of annoys me). I know I'm awesome, I know I'm smart, and I know I'm valuable. None of those things make me more interested in my slog of an existence. Someday that might change. It might not. And, in my experience, very little of that change is under my control.
I say this for the other people who live in this same, sad ocean. Those of us who've been treading water for so long we've stopped watching for a raft. We might be tired, we might be salty, but we're here and we're not alone.
So, uh, yeah, this week’s collection is Tuesday, April 2: Guardian.
I entirely understand and support not swan-diving into this emotionally fraught drama if it’s not your Thing (and there are so many capital-T Things about this show). I have several posts queued for the top of the hour until 3pm CST (uh, a few more got added, so through 5pm CST) so if you think it might be your Thing, keep checking back. I can’t remember what all I queued, tbh, so I can’t promise there won’t be spoilers (there are definitely spoilers).
jo_lasalle (whom I just added to my circle so hello! if you dropped by to see what I'm about) posted a lovely post-canon playlist for the show. Nice timing on that, because this weekend a couple songs jumped out at me as being very appropriate for Weilan (the Shen Wei/Zhao Yunlan portmanteau for any non-Guardian people still reading at this point, bless you). Kesha's Finding You and Jonas Brothers Sucker. Bonus for the use of "sucker."
So yes, this show is still eating me alive. Things are to the point where I actually wrote one of our visiting scholars from China this morning:
This question is coming out of nowhere, so apologies if I’m being rude—are you familiar with the Chinese drama Guardian? I watched it on the recommendation of a friend* and finished it last week. I was just curious if you’d watched it or even heard of it. I realize this is the same as asking an American if they’ve watched a random American television show just because they’re both American, but I got the impression Guardian was fairly popular (it was released last year) and thought it couldn’t hurt to ask if you’d seen it (and liked it).
*btw, thanks, mekare, thanks A LOT (no seriously, thank you, but shakes tiny fist)
She wrote back almost instantly that she had! And she liked it! And to let her know if I'd like to talk about it!
And then I (not even kidding y'all there is something Wrong With Me I mean not like that is news but still) actually teared up a tiny bit? Because apparently my emotional reserves are still way too fucking fragile and oh my god when will my general health return from the war?
I'm real tired of being ten seconds and a hangnail away from tears at any given moment. Don't even talk to me about the latest episodes of Queer Eye which are made Extra Poignant what with their being in Kansas City this season. I am seriously concerned about holding it together for the episode when they're Actually In Lawrence Fucking Kansas.
( Cut to save y'all's reading pages. )
I'll continue to add to this post as I come across stuff. I get the feeling I might be in this fandom for a while.
So that was a little more draining than I expected and I probably should've saved it for the weekend but OH WELL.
I'm back at work today and trying very hard to stay on task instead of going through Every Single Fix-it Fic on AO3.
Art by Chiara Bautista
I took yesterday off work (and off a lot of social media as well) so I forgot to post yesterday's collection. Tuesday, March 26: Elsewhere.
I have always dreamed that Elsewhere is a place I could get to. Oz, Narnia, Anywhere But Here. Kid me would walk around looking for the door that would lead me somewhere better than this. To be honest, I still watch for one
My Guardian obsession continues. Saw a few new-to-me vids for it this week, but the one I posted in yesterday's dump on clevermanka.net is my fave. I'm on episode 33 of 40 and I'm anticipating the finale with both excitement and dread (I've been spoiled for the ending). Someone on the Guardian comm (sid_guardian) made an advertisement post about it if anyone is thinking about dipping a toe.
Are people who follow me here interested in my linking to my Tuesday and Thursday cm.net posts here on DW? Tuesdays are my Tumblr collections and Thursdays are a collection of links I've compiled over the previous week.
I introduced one of my last Danger Foods on Monday with no ill effects. Welcome back to my life, Brussels Sprouts! I missed you! Now the only food I miss that I haven't been able to successfully reintroduce (other than things that are permanently off-limits) is cauliflower. But the Brussels Sprouts success gives me hope that cauliflower can happen eventually. Maybe next month if I'm feeling brave.
Energy levels are starting to get back to where they were before the Indianapolis trip for Nana's funeral. I'm going to make another attempt at regular yoga sessions (three to five times weekly) maybe next week or the first week of April. I'm loathe to attempt introductions too early these days after so many false starts. Positive thinking has never been my friend.
I just realized that's eight weeks of recovery for a weekend trip (which might have been emotionally taxing but not physically stressful at all). Yeesh. Let's not think about that too much.
Does anybody here reading me watch Terrace House?