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Too much at once
Jun. 3rd, 2014 09:38 amThe jackhammers that are tearing apart the street outside my office were already going full guns when I arrived at work this morning and they haven't stopped. When they started construction last week, the thumping was occasional and I could laugh at it. It sounded and felt like the building was about ready to collapse underneath me. Even my monitor would shake. Destruction began in earnest yesterday, though, and the near-constant barrage of noise and vibration is taking a toll. I can't laugh about it anymore. This is exhausting and stressful. I wonder if I can declare it a hostile work environment and refuse to come in until they're done with this phase of the construction.
When I got off work yesterday I bought a pack of cigarettes. I smoked one and felt sick and nauseated afterward. I chalked it up to low blood sugar. After I forced down another bowl of the chicken and broth I had another smoke and felt sicker than I had after the first. This morning I emailed a couple graduate students to see if they want the rest of this pack.
I had nightmares last night about poisoned squirrels dying slow, horrible deaths on the back porch. I could have woken myself up but I knew it would take forever for me to fall back asleep so I watched many squirrels die, hoping the dream would just stop. Of course it didn't and I finally woke myself up around 2am. Heartsick and miserable, I didn't fall back asleep for a long time.
Because of the wretched sleep, I couldn't get myself out of bed to go to the gym today. That might have been a good option physically, but psychologically I needed to move around some weights today. The gym isn't open in the evenings during the summer so I'll have to wait until tomorrow and hope I sleep better tonight.
This morning as I was eating my pureed carrots and dry meatballs it sunk in that I'm not going to be able to eat normally--my value of normal--for months. Probably many months. I almost cried.
Things are not going well.
When I got off work yesterday I bought a pack of cigarettes. I smoked one and felt sick and nauseated afterward. I chalked it up to low blood sugar. After I forced down another bowl of the chicken and broth I had another smoke and felt sicker than I had after the first. This morning I emailed a couple graduate students to see if they want the rest of this pack.
I had nightmares last night about poisoned squirrels dying slow, horrible deaths on the back porch. I could have woken myself up but I knew it would take forever for me to fall back asleep so I watched many squirrels die, hoping the dream would just stop. Of course it didn't and I finally woke myself up around 2am. Heartsick and miserable, I didn't fall back asleep for a long time.
Because of the wretched sleep, I couldn't get myself out of bed to go to the gym today. That might have been a good option physically, but psychologically I needed to move around some weights today. The gym isn't open in the evenings during the summer so I'll have to wait until tomorrow and hope I sleep better tonight.
This morning as I was eating my pureed carrots and dry meatballs it sunk in that I'm not going to be able to eat normally--my value of normal--for months. Probably many months. I almost cried.
Things are not going well.