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In an effort to manage/escape from Constant Crushing Depression, I've resumed my old sitting practice. I've missed only one day this month, so I'm counting that as a big win. The distractions/brain weasels are stronger than they ever have been, but that's okay. I'm sitting and breathing for ten minutes every day, reminding myself that all I need to do right then is be there. Just there. Sit and breathe, sit and breathe. By the end of the sit I'm starting to feel a bit of muscle fatigue which is worrying. You'd think with all the PT I'd have build up some stamina, but it seems my body isn't interested in building itself up any more than my brain is.
I traced last week's descent into Hell Spiral to the overexertion of (slowly, cautiously) shoveling snow for a whopping fifteen minutes last Tuesday. The adrenaline high immediately followed by physical fatigue and then slowly-developing debilitating depression that finally started to lift after a week, yep. Check, check, check.
So I made an appointment with my PCP just to get it in my file that I am back to the level of unhealth I was when I took all my work leave back in 2017. When (god, please, when) I'm able to get a job again, if it turns out I'm not physically capable of performing it, I don't want all this coming out of nowhere. It was more than a little depressing to be like "I cannot afford to do anything about this problem, I just need to protect myself for later" but she agreed it was a good idea. Yay?
I traced last week's descent into Hell Spiral to the overexertion of (slowly, cautiously) shoveling snow for a whopping fifteen minutes last Tuesday. The adrenaline high immediately followed by physical fatigue and then slowly-developing debilitating depression that finally started to lift after a week, yep. Check, check, check.
So I made an appointment with my PCP just to get it in my file that I am back to the level of unhealth I was when I took all my work leave back in 2017. When (god, please, when) I'm able to get a job again, if it turns out I'm not physically capable of performing it, I don't want all this coming out of nowhere. It was more than a little depressing to be like "I cannot afford to do anything about this problem, I just need to protect myself for later" but she agreed it was a good idea. Yay?