*pounds table* Creepy stalker AU! Standing by my hopes that he's a himbo. Insert that Parks and Rec "don't be suspicious" gif. B/W Zhubai.
Fanart: Mermaid Zhao Yunlan! Adorable kiss animation and cuddly boys from Vian. Finished felted weasel/hamster. Smile, baby!
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tinny 's recent picspam was such a serotonin boost.
One of my exes (the awesome one, I was a bridesmaid at his wedding) recently liked one of my tweets, reminding me that people I know in real life follow me there. 😂 It was not the horny meltdown thank dogs.
I'm resolved to see a friend's band play tonight at an outdoor venue. Reports indicate that masks have completely disappeared from the bar scene (even though friend has said the band will be wearing them) so we'll see how I cope with that. I think my increasingly desperate need for casual human contact will outweigh my paranoia, but I won't know until I'm actually confronted with the reality of a patio full of unmasked humanity.
Had my first sighting of an unmasked jerk in public at the grocery store. A mom and four young daughters, all in stereotypical mega-Xtian outfits: flowy mid-calf skirts, loose tops, ballet flats, long hair. If you live in the U.S., you know what I'm talking about. That look that screams Pentecostal, strict Mormon, or maybe Jehovah's Witness. It made me sad and angry on so many levels and my eyes started to sting with tears just thinking about everything I hated about seeing that.
Been having to fight tears a lot lately. I still can't focus on anything. Tried Army of the Dead (because Tig Notaro 🔥) and I could tell it was a fun romp, 100% my thing in normal circumstances, but after 20 minutes I decided to watch it when I might be able to enjoy it. Can't write, either, which is frustrating and heartbreaking. I did get about 2k words written this week, but am at a dead stop on the cusp of a sex scene because (this is pathetic) envisioning people having sex in that much detail makes me want to cry. Fic reading is difficult to impossible, too. I can get through stuff if I have no emotional investment. Modern Wangxian AUs are fine--but no Weilan or derivatives.
I'm managing to get through a self-help book about people who need to control others. Seeing a lot of McKitterick's behaviors in it. It's good to recognize these things, for avoiding them in the future as well as understanding what happened. Good to realize that even though I was mostly happy, the relationship was doomed to fail eventually due to his inability to honestly connect with the person I actually am, not the person he created in his head (the one that frequently thought the worst of him, the one who didn't want to know he was fooling around).
Oh, something else for me to fret about regarding tonight's excursion is there's no way Katie (the English department chair) won't be there. I hope she just ignores me and allows us both to pretend like neither of us see each other. If she tries to engage me in conversation, I am gonna let her have it, which... is probably not the mature thing to do at Philip's last Lawrence gig.
So tired of having a heavy heart.
Fanart: Mermaid Zhao Yunlan! Adorable kiss animation and cuddly boys from Vian. Finished felted weasel/hamster. Smile, baby!
tinny 's recent picspam was such a serotonin boost.One of my exes (the awesome one, I was a bridesmaid at his wedding) recently liked one of my tweets, reminding me that people I know in real life follow me there. 😂 It was not the horny meltdown thank dogs.
I'm resolved to see a friend's band play tonight at an outdoor venue. Reports indicate that masks have completely disappeared from the bar scene (even though friend has said the band will be wearing them) so we'll see how I cope with that. I think my increasingly desperate need for casual human contact will outweigh my paranoia, but I won't know until I'm actually confronted with the reality of a patio full of unmasked humanity.
Had my first sighting of an unmasked jerk in public at the grocery store. A mom and four young daughters, all in stereotypical mega-Xtian outfits: flowy mid-calf skirts, loose tops, ballet flats, long hair. If you live in the U.S., you know what I'm talking about. That look that screams Pentecostal, strict Mormon, or maybe Jehovah's Witness. It made me sad and angry on so many levels and my eyes started to sting with tears just thinking about everything I hated about seeing that.
Been having to fight tears a lot lately. I still can't focus on anything. Tried Army of the Dead (because Tig Notaro 🔥) and I could tell it was a fun romp, 100% my thing in normal circumstances, but after 20 minutes I decided to watch it when I might be able to enjoy it. Can't write, either, which is frustrating and heartbreaking. I did get about 2k words written this week, but am at a dead stop on the cusp of a sex scene because (this is pathetic) envisioning people having sex in that much detail makes me want to cry. Fic reading is difficult to impossible, too. I can get through stuff if I have no emotional investment. Modern Wangxian AUs are fine--but no Weilan or derivatives.
I'm managing to get through a self-help book about people who need to control others. Seeing a lot of McKitterick's behaviors in it. It's good to recognize these things, for avoiding them in the future as well as understanding what happened. Good to realize that even though I was mostly happy, the relationship was doomed to fail eventually due to his inability to honestly connect with the person I actually am, not the person he created in his head (the one that frequently thought the worst of him, the one who didn't want to know he was fooling around).
Oh, something else for me to fret about regarding tonight's excursion is there's no way Katie (the English department chair) won't be there. I hope she just ignores me and allows us both to pretend like neither of us see each other. If she tries to engage me in conversation, I am gonna let her have it, which... is probably not the mature thing to do at Philip's last Lawrence gig.
So tired of having a heavy heart.