Note to self

I am resolved not to speak about difficult/fraught issues when I reach a certain level of fatigue (like discussions of bigotry, etc.). When I'm very tired, I speak thoughtlessly and I don't want to be a person who speaks thoughtlessly. So from now on when I'm tired like I am today (a 2 on a scale of 1 to 5 where 1 is non-functional on the couch/in bed) I will decline to engage in that conversation and explain why if necessary.

Even if I'm in a small group discussion in a Whiteness workshop and the black woman facilitating our small group of me and three white guys (who all work in IT and I knew two of them) keeps waiting for someone to talk. Not even then. I will just sit in embarrassing silence with the other uncomfortable white people because for me that's not as bad as sounding like some rambly, self-absorbed ~woke person~. Again. (yes this happened last week too I am a slow learner.)

Ugh. Ugh.

As you might infer, I did not feel great coming out of today's diversity training session, thanks. At least it was the final session.

I am so, so tired.