Because I am up way too early and don't feel like going to the gym

I usually don't do these, but I'm up much too early, I can't eat for another hour, and I'm too damn lazy to go to the gym this morning. So, from verminiusrex: ( Many Questions )

Time to go get ready for work now.

Great expectations

Lately I've been thinking about how people perceive me--in real life and through LJ. I know: Self-reflection! Whoa. Mark your calendars. This doesn't come around for me too often.

I've been told by more than one boyfriend that I am, in a word, terrifying. And I can say with honesty that I'm rarely approached by strangers in a social setting. I think I have an innate "Don't Fuck With Me" vibe that comes through loud and clear, especially when I'm by myself. I have never--ever--been asked out on a date by someone. Usually I find a person I'm attracted to and then I have to chase them down, knock them out with a club, and drag them off by their hair. I pestered 0verdrive for a date for months before he finally caved to the pressure.

Someone recently shared that when he first met me he was really intimidated by me (I think he actually used the word "scared") because of my looks. Which is, I admit, flattering, but also a sad comment about pretty women in general--are they usually such bitches? Because anyone who's had even a five minute conversation with me is pretty quickly let in on the fact that despite external appearance, I'm a giant dork with the natural grace of a water buffalo.

But that's apparently the Real Life, physical first impression I have on people: Pretty, Scary Girl.

The past two weekends I've noticed an even more interesting phenomenon: The way people react when they are told that I am Chernobyl Red on LJ. The reaction is nearly always a tilted head, cocked eyebrow, occasionally a slight smile/nod, and something along the lines of "Ohhhhh..." I find great amusement in this, because having not been first subjected to the Pretty Scary Girl phenomenon, they realize I'm entirely friendly, approachable, and I bite only when asked nicely.

One of my sister whores confided that, from my comments and journal entries (not to mention the Russian Peasant connotations that go with Chernobyl), she pictured me as an amazon--a large woman with booming voice and grand gestures. What a shock our first meeting must have been for her. Not that I'm tiny, but I am a bit frail boned and I have a very girly voice.

First impressions. I do seem to make strange ones.

Feeling ... overdone

I closed comments on the last post. Not that I dislike adoring praise, but I was beginning to wonder if people saw the post as a request for comments. I don't particularly like the memes that demand comments (not that I mind when others post them, they're just not my particular thing). I didn't expect people to write such lovely things back to me. It was just something I'd noticed lately, especially the past couple weekends working faire. I don't think about myself or my life very often. I'm not a terribly deep person, but recent life changes have made me step back and look at who I am and how people sometimes are misled by an innacurate image of me. So that's all it was.

I'm very happy that so many of my friends think I'm the bee's knees. It means a lot to me that you all would bother to post your feelings and impressions. I'm just starting to feel a little embarrassed. =/

If you still have a burning desire to tell me your first impression of me or whatever, feel free to send it in email. But I'm closing the Chernobyl Red Love-In at this point.

Relief...followed by sheer panic

Had our last rehearsal before Middle Eastern (excuse me, Sultan's Treasure) Weekend tonight. It went pretty well. Most of the poor girls still look terrified, like they're going to be executed at the end of the dance. But no major foul-ups on choreography and the drummers sound absolutely fantastic! We're doing the drum solo finale that we did for the summer show, only with live drummers. This is one of my favorite choreography/music combos of all time and I have to tell you, hearing it with live drummers brought tears to my eyes. It was That Cool.

The show is really tight, with just enough time for two solos and the rest are group numbers, a big change from past years. I am incredibly flattered that Jo has me doing a solo in every show and the other three advanced girls trade off solos during the day. But I have a solo in the same spot, right after the sword choreography, every show. This means I don't get to do a sword solo, but I'll do a fun, upbeat cane number that'll be almost as much fun.

Oh, did I say I wasn't doing a sword solo? That's because I'm doing a freestyle sword duet with freakin' Lois from the St. Louis troupe during the 2:30 Belly Jam show. Augh! Ngggnngngn!!! Gaaaaah! OK, let's be clear: I have never been this nervous about a non-choreographed performace. Seriously. Jo told me that and I smiled and said oh yeah, sounds great! Then I went out to my car and tried not to puke. Jesus Christ. Nearly 15 years of dancing has got me to my current skill level with sword. In three days I need to oh, I don't know, triple that level of competence to even hold my own against Lois.

Deep breath, deep breath. I can do this. I know I can do this. It Will Be Just Fine. It's only one show for each day, and if I drop my sword, it's not like it'll be the first time in the world that ever happened. I will feel more confident about this when I'm actually out there performing. But right now I'm glad I only had tea and toast for dinner.