Words of wisdom

I was reading a post in a community I just joined and when I finished it I thought "This sounds like a job for rougewench." But rougewench isn't on the community. So I thought hmmmmm and I attempted to channel the excruciatingly correct Voice of Denise. I'm sure there are things she would have said differently, but overall I think I did pretty well. And then I realized: This all came out of me. Me!!! Ever since becoming her friend a year ago (only a year?) I've admired her and appreciated her so much. I've wanted to be more like her--not in a way that overwrites who I am, but in a way that enhances and improves me. I think I'm almost there.

I'm copying my response to that post here, with certain post-specific lines removed. I think they're good words to anyone, at any stage of life.

Ahem. *begin Denise Voice*
My dear, wanting to take care of people and make the world a better, easier, simpler place for people is not something to be ashamed of. Compassion is not a vice. If doing things like rising to the aid of your friends and getting them extra napkins makes you happy, accept it. Wanting to do things that make you happy and maybe get you appreciated by other people Is Not Selfish.

Now, if you secretly go cry in a corner and feel the martyr after cleaning the table for the four-hundred-thousandth-time, that's a different story. If that's the case, you need to face the reasons why you continue to put yourself in a situation where you feel abused and taken advantage of. But if it honestly makes you happy--Enjoy it!!! I assure you, others enjoy being taken care of, even if they don't mention it.

Hating yourself is a waste of time. Either come to a place where you can accept your actions or get to a place where you can change them.

Taking back something because you've changed your mind after a bit of thought or information-gathering is not bad, either. Opinions change. Feelings change. That's nothing to be ashamed of. It takes more courage to say "I was wrong" than to stick by an opinion that you no longer believe to be true just to save face. Try to use "I'm Sorry" only when you really are sorry.

If you find in someone a good role model, the best compliment you could ever give her is to strive to achieve in yourself what you see as her shining traits. Wishing to be more like her doesn't do either of you any good.

Life is confusing, yes. There are no guidebooks and everything works differently for everyone. But doing one thing and hoping to achieve the opposite is, as I'm sure you're aware, an exercise in futility and will only frustrate you and make you unhappy.

Life by default isn't crap. Life is what you make of it. If you believe its crap and you repeat this mantra throughout it, I have three words: Self Fulfilling Prophecy. Search yourself to find why you currently think life is crap and, if you want to believe otherwise, find ways to change your opinion.

No guilt, my dear, and no regrets. Live as if you had no fear.
*end Denise voice*

::Nods:: Yeah, it might not be exactly what rougewench would say, but it evokes her spirit. I hope I did her justice.