Clever Manka is dressed and undressed

In the file-under-disappointed-but-not-surprised department, I'm pretty sure I need a new glasses prescription. There are so many hurdles to dealing with that I can't even see it from here. /o\ /o\ /o\ I'm gonna go ahead and call the ophthalmologist tomorrow to ask how much is an eye exam without insurance and what the wait is like for an appointment. I'm also going to call the vision clinic where I got my glasses. I'm supposed to see ophthalmologists instead of optometrists because of my family history of eye diseases but to be honest I was a little unimpressed with their lack of concern when I mentioned my mom's early and acute glaucoma and how her doctor had told her I should be careful because LASIK can mask symptoms (something else nobody told me when I got that surgery).

I feel like the ophthalmologists at the office I go to are so used to dealing with elderly people that a younger person expressing concern about these things gets disregarded. Kind of how regular doctors wave away my health complaints because I look young and healthy. Probably I just need to exercise more, right?

Ugh. ugh ugh ugh. The idea of having my face that close to someone right now makes me incredibly uncomfortable. But so do these head/eye aches. sighhhhhhhhhhh Getting old is a super big drag, y'all.

We're supposed to get weather late tonight/tomorrow so I went ahead and made a quick trip to the grocery store this morning. Since it was such an impulsive decision (made at 6:30am under the covers when I checked the weather) I didn't have any sort of idea what to get. So that was an interesting trip. I bought some grain-free tortillas to try. I couldn't find any corn tortillas and wasn't willing to linger around the store looking for them. Hope they work well with the lengua that I've been saving for no particular reason other than I wanted an indulgent reason to eat it. I also grabbed some pico de gallo and sour cream and stuff to make a slaw topping.

Don't you wish you could come to my house for dinner? I WISH YOU COULD TOO.

And now more travails of poor teen!Shen Wei (who just tripped over a root during a walk in the woods).

“No, it’s fine, whatever,” Zhao Yunlan said. “I’m just glad you’re okay. Mostly.” His cheeky grin came back and he mimed carrying someone piggyback. “I can give you a ride?” He waggled his eyebrows.

For a ridiculous moment Shen Wei was overwhelmed by the vivid sense image of being on Zhao Yunlan’s back, his arms around Zhao Yunlan’s shoulders and the boy’s arms solid under Shen Wei’s knees. He managed a shaky laugh while he bent to unnecessarily re-adjust his sock and brush at a knee that hadn’t come anywhere near the ground.

“Best to walk it off,” he said as he stood, a little more breathless than intended. “I don’t want anything to get stiff.”

Looking like he was about to choke, Zhao Yunlan bit his lips, his eyes dancing. Shen Wei stared, confused, until his words registered. He flushed, horrified, and wished the stupid root would leap from the ground and strangle him to death.

Guardian/adjacent:
I volunteer to help Bai Yu with some deep tissue/myofascial release work to open up those hips.
My tl had barely recovered from that when we got hit with this Zhu Yilong photoshoot. And then this. And then this. Here's the clip of him singing.
"I'm not listening to this."
Domestic bliss! (a promotional still of this scene is my laptop lock screen I love it so much)
Fanart: There's already fanart of Z1L's singing. Blush. Don't cry, little ghost king. Smoking kink. What are you working on? Assisted push-ups!

Untamed/adjacent:
Lan Zhan! Wei Ying! That's it, that's the show.
Costuming choices.
I'm not a kid person but the little cutie who played A-Yuan makes me melt.

Yes. (someone made a Guardian post of this but I apparently didn't send it to myself)

Okay well I just now got some super-sad-making news. My friend won't be able to come over anymore because her mom doesn't feel safe about it. It's understandable since of course all she sees on the news is how USians are stupid people who don't care about other's safety but y'all. I am barely holding back tears. Of course yesterday I started the Chinese program on Duolingo so I could try out some words with her on Thursday.

Welp.

Time for other distractions I guess, so here's a snippet from the due South story, tentatively titled "The Wooing of Ray Kowalski."

It had been the smile that had done it.

That was not the smile of someone who didn’t want to spend the rest of their life with you. Preferably in some sort of carnal embrace a good part of the time. Ray recognized it from what he’d seen in pictures of him looking at Stella. But Ray had never in his life had a look like that directed at him and it shook him down to his bones. It wasn’t news to Ray that he thought guys were hot. Quite frankly he didn’t understand the guys who didn’t. Hadn’t they seen Bullitt? But the realization that he’d fallen in love with Fraser just like he had Stella hit him with a ton of bricks. And he was…fine with it. He was really fine with it.

I've been up since 3am and I'm so tired.

I went looking for the draft of this post with the first few Twitter links (I always find a few right after I post) and it just. wasn't. there. I had to scroll through my recent entries twice before I thought "wait... did I not start a post?" And while that might not seem like the greatest of revelations (it isn't), I found the notion (weirdly! so weirdly) outrageous. HOW COULD I HAVE NOT? The reasonable part of my brain was like, so we didn't make a post and thought we did? why is this weird? The part of my brain I can't control was like hOw iS ThIs PoSSibLE?

So I went to start a new post, thinking "this is gonna be hilarious to write about" and I wasn't logged in.

That's where I am this morning. You?

Guardian/adjacent:
I don't know what I love best about this: the fact that on my phone I thought he was wearing knickers (old fashioned baseball uniforms 🔥), the fact that he's actually in shorts, the knee socks, or the little bounce. There's just.... there's a lot to love here, friends. Also a lot to love here. And here. And if you're into the FaceApp thing (that last one GOOD LORD.
Fanart Smoking Kink! "Doodle."

Untamed/adjacent:
This animation!
This edit? of? the cast? I grinned through the whole thing.

Snippet from Deconstruction. Y'all this scene was so fun to write:
With his eyes closed and energies focused inward, Zhao Yunlan always looked so different, a quietly confident version of himself that Shen Wei doubted many had seen. The precious privilege of it warmed him to his toes. Appreciation turned to joyous pride as Zhao Yunlan’s eyes snapped open and he planted his feet, throwing his arms up and out with confidence, like he’d been directing energy his whole life.

And I won the auction I bid on (well, the one I had even a chance of winning)! The Deconstruction of Hei Pao Shi is going to have a cover (I already have an idea to pitch at the artist and while they might not be The Most original I think the result (based on their other stuff) will be Very Pretty). I'm excited! I like the idea of having art for both my long fics. Maybe I'll try to make this a trend.

I'm starting on something new today (THANK. DOGS.) but nothing is written, yet. Yesterday I was talking with McKitterick while he cleaned the birdbath and watered the front shrubbery when I was rudely sucked into another Hell Spiral. I started to sob mid-sentence (fun!) so I came inside and sat on the stairs (idk, it's one of my favorite places in the house, no idea why) to breathe through it. Breathe, breathe, breathe, and then out of nowhere came the setup for a PWP sequel to glymr 's Hellbent for Leather. Fandom continues to save my life.

So have a bit of medium-level angst from a scene from Deconstruction that I wrote last week but I'm gonna move it to the second half bc it's dealing with feels that really belong after the mid-point crisis of the story.

Shen Wei had everything he could possibly ask for, now, and his subconscious was making him pay for it. Nearly every night for a week Kunlun had been torn away from him in his dreams. Taken by the Hallows, as he had been, but also driven through by swords, riddled with arrows, torn apart from dark energy. Some nights Zhao Yunlan shook him awake, some nights he woke himself a breath before calling out. This morning he awakened them both with a sob of "Kunlun!" The echo of a cry that had rung in his mind for ten thousand years.

 

Guardian/adjacent:
Fanart: The chibi-est Envoy to ever chibi. Happy times. This mer-AU has strong Breathe Deep, Disappear vibes.
I? never? saw? these promo posters before?
Ghost Shen Wei manip (with bonus chibi art linked in replies!).
Still having Moments over this shoot.
SPEAKING OF MOMENTS.

Y'all it means so much to me when you tag me on Ghost Story-esque art and smoking kink stuff. I'm not kidding or exaggerating when I say my fandom friends keep many, many days from being a 1.

Speaking of fandom support, these AO3 stats are very inspiring. There isn't much I can do to make this world better, but by dogs I can write porn and since my current living situation (as much as I complain about it) allows me the freedom to do so in any capacity I want, that's what I'm going to do, as much and as often as I can.

Today, though, Zhao Yunlan and Shen Wei are indulging in a different vice:

The flame dipped into the bowl where it crackled for a long moment before Zhao Yunlan pulled his mouth away. He finished a quick inhale, holding it a moment before blowing out a small stream of smoke. He waited a moment and nodded.

“Okay, that’s…that’s nice. Yeah, I don’t think this should knock you out. Good, okay.”

He repeated the lighting process and pulled in a mouthful of smoke. Frowning, he quickly set down the pipe and waived Shen Wei closer. Shen Wei pushed all the air out of his lungs and leaned close, opening his mouth. Zhao Yunlan wrapped his hand around Shen Wei’s head, just as he would for a kiss. Their lips sealed together, Shen Wei inhaled, pulling the smoke from Zhao Yunlan’s mouth. The intimate eroticism of the exchange made him gasp, mouth still affixed to Zhao Yunlan’s.

Zhao Yunlan pulled away with a soft sound of surprise. He quickly smiled, reassuring, and placed his fingers over Shen Wei’s mouth. “It’s fine,” he said. “Hold it a second if you can.” He dropped his hand.

Guardian/adjacent:
Fanart: more from the artist who draws the ears (I love them). ZYL and DQ napping in cat form. Kisses with long-haired SW. That sliver of belly. Sleepy ZYL. So soft. Bed Head Shen Wei. Shen Wei with morning coffee. Domestic life with cityscape.
How is Zhu Yilong so fucking beautiful? Is this him doing push-ups? The gifs aren't high enough quality for me to tell with any assurance)

DW tips from undeadrobins and naye. 

Twitter tips from a capslocky stranger.

I haven't written anything from Deconstruction this week that isn't terribly spoilery, so have the first paragraph from my (first!) Zhubai fic, based on Table One of this thing. For visuals, this Bai Yu and this Zhu Yilong. I'm titling it Table One.

Bai Yu was so busy appreciating the perfection of the ass in front of him he didn’t notice the conversation its owner was having with the hotel desk clerk. The perfect slope of it curved up into a strong, lean waist, both body parts regretfully covered in some very expensive looking duds. Bai Yu shifted in his now shabby-feeling jeans. Too bad his evening was already booked. But it wasn’t like he’d have much chance with anyone who dressed like that, anyway, even if he did swing the right way. Which, face it, wasn’t likely. Not without divine intervention. As if on cue, Bai Yu’s brain began to register the exchange happening in front of him. The man’s voice was low and calm, but a thread of tension wove through it.

“I know I reserved a room for myself,” he said. Even his voice was gorgeous. Of course. Low and rich. Everything about this guy was rich. “I reserved the wedding party’s entire room block. Is there no other way to check? Perhaps a credit card record?”

Guardian/adjacent:
Fanart: Lollipop flirting is go.
Mirror kinkster folks, prepare yourselves.
I love hands by mouths but I also love covered mouths.
Shen Wei: a gay awakening for incoming students.
We might all expire from thirst before Lost Tomb comes out.
No adult man has any right to look this hot in a baseball cap.
Where do people get this merch????

I understood the issues surrounding black people in the U.S. not wanting to wear masks, but I hadn't yet put that together with a responsibility of white people to pave the way for its acceptance. Personally, I'm taking this opportunity (provided I ever get to leave the house again) to flip the bird at surveillance culture, but this is a more, uh, human motivation. eta: some Tumblr thoughts on masks.

Thank you again undeadrobins for giving me the prompt (with extra side of knives) I needed to outline the rest of Deconstruction. I need to finalize when/where certain things happen, but I got the general scope of things and 3k words done this week. And right now our little Canadian Shack is full of domestic bliss. Enjoy:

Zhao Yunlan tsked and tipped his head. “Apt,” he said before taking a long swallow. Shen Wei’s eyes followed the motion. Zhao Yunlan grinned and gestured toward Shen Wei with the bottle. “Proceed, my good man. Allow me to appreciate the lovely view.”

Shen Wei shook his head with a smile and lifted the axe again. He was warm now, but things would be different in a few weeks. He didn’t remember what it was like to be unable to warm himself with dark energy, but he didn’t look forward to it. He wanted to get through as much of this pile as he could before the first snowfall.

 

doctorskuld gifted me a fic! Such perfect characterization and charmingly sexy interactions. Love how it shows the growth of Jack and Zhao Zi's relationship and Zhao Zi as a person. <3

Guardian/adjacent:
Luo Fusheng ass alert.
Fanart: Soft in line and mood. Angsty kisses and more angsty kisses. This fluffy doodle.

Untamed/adjacent:
Blackmail master NHS. NHS fanart.

Another oh god damn it I wanna write this bunny.

Completely unrelated to any fandoms whatsoever, this made me laugh so hard I cried.

Read naye's Carte Blanche yesterday all in one sitting (as I'd hoped to!) yesterday and it was SO GOOD. I have a bit of an emotional hangover, now, though, and am In The Mood to write some angst. Alas, I have no angst to write at the moment and that feels very very strange. Gonna further angstify myself by watching Fatal Journey today. Wish me luck.

And now, a snippet from A Good Look that I wrote last week in a flash of inspiration:

Shen Wei wanted to sink his teeth into the soft, shamelessly-exposed thigh flesh in front of him. He wanted to suck the skin into his mouth, bruise it, mark it with his teeth. Mine. He wiped his shirt over every bit of Zhao Yunlan’s legs and feet, keeping his movements smooth and controlled. He stood and gave the shirt a quick shake. Zhao Yunlan’s hands were at his sides again and Shen Wei wrapped the shirt around his back, draping it like a cape. Gripping the front placket, he pulled Zhao Yunlan to him. Cool water still caught in the tee soaked into Shen Wei’s undershirt. Zhao Yunlan squeaked a small sigh and pressed himself, just slightly, into Shen Wei’s warmth. Shen Wei slid their cheeks past each other and breathed into Zhao Yunlan’s ear.

“Go. Wait for me.”

In a laudable show of adulting, I canceled my social engagement for today. It was just her coming over to hang out but she'd dropped her husband off at the airport and, not thinking about it, went inside with him to kiss goodbye. I didn't wanna risk it, so told her we'd reschedule for in a couple weeks (depending on when her husband gets back from his job). Now I'm waiting for the edible to kick in, thinking about making lunch before that happens, and feeling Pretty Darn Good about the 1,400 words I got down this morning.

For those of you also in isolation, I support you. Here, have some sexy times!

Shen Wei’s inhuman abilities were gone, but his muscles still retained their natural strength. Still gripping Zhao Yunlan’s shoulders, he sat up, pulling him along as he straddled his thighs. He wrapped his arms fully around his gloriously perfect lover, squeezing him hard as he could, an embrace he never would have allowed in his previous life. His fingers dug into the flesh and muscle over Zhao Yunlan’s back and ribs as he rocked his hips frantically, their cocks brushing and jostling in an uncoordinated rhythm. With a groan he buried his teeth into Zhao Yunlan’s shoulder.

Twitter Guardian and Guardian-adjacent:
Fanart: Teddy bear hugs with ponytail. Short and long hair (in bed). Smiling kiss. Zhao Yunlan, deconstructed (potential knives) <-- would absolutely purchase a print of this and I might...actually...write? a magical realism AU short piece based on it. Absolutely fucking incredible concept and execution.
I will never not watch Zhu Yilong hitting a heavy bag.

Twitter Untamed:
Fanart: Borderline NSFW Nie Huaisang.

Announced this morning: Kansas got its first confirmed case of COVID-19, in Kansas City (in a suburb that's about half an hour from me). If I had money to bet, I'd say we'll have at least one confirmed case at KU by the end of the week*. I'd planned a Costco trip for Monday because once this gets more widespread I'm going to be leaving the house as little as possible. I'm not too worried about them being out of the things I plan to purchase (you know, necessities like Mayonnaise and Maple Syrup) but I'm dreading the lines. Ugh. I'd hoped to get there as early as possible, but mckitterick wants to go, too, so we probably won't make it until noon.

*Hm. You know what, I'm revising that. I  doubt it'll get confirmed, because students can't/won't spend the time to get tested. Maybe it'll be a prof or post-doc who traveled over break. Whatever, I have no doubt it's gonna show up soon. Just a matter of days.

I've been focusing on my History 3 Trapped fic, and here's the paragraph I wrote after yantantether saved my bacon (and the fic) with a brilliant suggestion for Tang Yi's emotional landscape, several months/a year or so after getting out:

Jiggling the car keys in his pocket on the way to the car Tang Yi allowed himself the long-held smile. He’d been feeling off lately. Not unhappy, not unfulfilled—at least not where Shao Fei was concerned—but there was something missing. After weeks of consideration, he’d had to admit it, if only to himself. He missed the mob. The rush of addressing a threat, the quietly combative conversations, the games of shifting power, they were their own type of addictive drug and Tang Yi’s legal ventures didn’t supply that high.

I did get a bit of Deconstruction written, though, and am very pleased to have finally gotten here AT LAST:

Shen Wei crossed the room, feeling ridiculously like a shy groom, newly approaching his beloved on their wedding night. The accuracy hit as he reached the bed and he paused, heart in his throat. Climbing into the bed like this with Zhao Yunlan was different, a turning point, one from which he couldn’t ever again fully pull away. The magnitude of it terrified him like dying hadn’t. He paused, blinking, fearful of Zhao Yunlan misunderstanding his hesitation.

The rest of today is henna/indigo hair time. Yay, vanity!